Amanda R. McKinnon

As the days pass by we often think of you, and hope the smile on your face will always be true.
We hope you know that you're always in our hearts, and maybe one day we won't have to be apart.
Maybe one day we can make new memories, and maybe one day you will be able to see...
We always wanted you to be in our life, no more tears or fear and strife.
...

I live a life that many are not willing to lead. I wake up early just to do PT. Wondering what to wear is not something I do. Uncle Sam has given me some nice ACUs. I wear them with pride; A right I have earned. Blood, sweat, and tears; Hard lessons I've learned.
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I thought I could let you go when you didn't change. I thought I would be okay and that I'd survive the pain.

I thought that I would heal and that I could move on. I thought that I could cope with you being gone.
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We've been through the fires and came out holding each other. You've been my best friend and always my lover. We survived whenever they all thought we would fail, We've shared a strong passion and put each other through hell. We fight hard and love strong, but with you I'll always belong.
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Waking up by your side is one of the greatest things,
There's more than words in these wedding rings.
There are promises that will last a lifetime,
And you'll never find another love like mine.
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I've made many choices in my life that I often regret. Some were so stupid I wish I could forget. But the choices of the past led to where I am now, I just wish I could forgive myself somehow. I'd catch myself more instead of falling down, I wouldn't have turned to alcohol and let myself drown. I wouldn't have hurt the ones that are closest to me. I would have put down the glass to see things clearly. I would've fought harder to work things out,
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Sometimes I look inside and see, there's the scared little girl that I use to be. The nightmares hide inside those walls, the cries that echo down those halls. The yelling voices that broke the nights, the pillow shield that muted the fights. Scared to move, don't want to be seen. Why do they have to be so mean? Take another pill to blur them out, just one more shot to silence the shouts. Don't want to be here right now. Just have to get away somehow.
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The stupidity sometimes gets under my skin, But no matter what they'll never win.
The anger sometimes tries to get to me, But no matter what I won't let them see.
Sometimes the load feels like too much to bear, But no matter what I'm going somewhere.
I'll never let them get inside my head, If I let them in I'm better off dead.
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Another battle starts and the pain begins,
Terror takes over wondering when it'll end,
Keep quiet and still; Don't want to be seen,
Wondering why these words are always so mean.
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Time passes by and the wounds start to mend,
I've begun to enjoy this life once again.
Leaving you behind and the memories we shared.
I finally realize that you never really cared.
...