To the two elderly ladies sitting in Row A:
Please could you not chat together during the play.
If having a chat is what you really want to do,
Then please wait until the interval half way through.
For the audience and the actors, I very much suspect
That neither of you two ladies has very much respect.
The actors on the stage are trying to tell a story,
And I’d really like to enjoy it in all its dazzling glory.
I find that my attention is constantly being distracted
From the story on stage, which is currently being enacted.
For many weeks, these actors have learnt lines and rehearsed;
Stay or go, but either way, neither of you will be reimbursed.
For front row seats, you must’ve paid pretty decent money,
But, your rudeness and your disrespect, I do not find funny.
That you’re having a full scale conversation, I cannot believe:
It’s a situation which, with anger, makes me want to seethe.
A theatre auditorium is not the place for a chat:
A café or a coffee shop is the place for that.
I’m sure that it isn’t urgent – what you’ve got to say,
So, please can you zip it, if you are going to stay.