When you asked if I still loved you,
I answered with that one word
That I have regretted for years.
But when “I” tried to contact you one day later, weeks later, months later, years later
I couldn’t find you anywhere
And I wanted you to hear me take that word back.
And I was only twenty when I said that one word to you.
And my eighteen year old brother was just killed in a gang fight.
And I had to be miles away from you to help out my mom.
And to get you to stop bugging me to go back home to you so quickly
I said that one word.
But I just had to be there for mom
To help her out.
Losing a son is so tragic.
And he was my brother
And it was so sad for me.
But I wanted to eventually go back home to you
Just not right away.
But I lost you.
That one word had so much power
To take you away from me.
And with that one word of “no”
I not only had the sadness of losing my brother
Who I loved dearly
But the sadness of losing you, too
You who meant so much to me
You who I really, really needed more than anyone.
Wherever you are
The answer wasn’t “no”
And I am sorry.