Bruce Larkin

Bruce Larkin Poems

My family went to Hollywood.
There were plenty of things to do.
I decided on that trip
To make one of my dreams come true.
...

The bird flitted from place to place.
She had something she had to do.
Her task was very important;
She wanted to live in the zoo.
...

I'll be your guide in Goodfood.
I'll show you all around.
Folks looking for delicious food
Know here is where it's found.
...

Monday's child is ill, I'm told.
Tuesday's child has caught a cold.
Wednesday's child is down with the flu.
Thursday's child is feeling blue.
...

It’s so very cold,
My breath I can see.
As much as I love
To skate, sled, and ski,
...

'I've never seen such a thing, '
The reluctant diner was heard to mutter
When first offered a sandwich
Of pickles and peanut butter.
...

'Sorry, ' said the king's men,
'There's no helping Humpty.
He'll never sit again.'
...

A young man would often boast,
"Of courage I have the most."
Until one night,
His hair turned white
...

There is no man
In all this land
Happier than the fellow
In the citrus stand.
...

One dozen daring dudes
Ventured forth on an adventurous day.
They'd set themselves a goal,
A dragon they would slay.
...

Don't spoil your appetite.
Get ready to eat hearty.
Today you will feast
Like a jackalope.
...

My pencil went tap, tap, tap.
Jill's rubber band went snap, snap, snap.
The kids all started to clap, clap, clap.
Juan's gum went pop, pop, pop.
...

I Wish My Students Were Owls


There was an owl that lived in an oak.
...

The brave, bold knight went out to face
The biggest dragon in the place.
That dragon was big! He was rude!
He could really roar!
...

Bruce Larkin Biography

Bruce Currently makes his living as a juggler, physicist, and professional mutterer. When Bruce Larkin was 11 years old, he was struck by lighting while riding his unicycle. Even though that lightning bolt stimulated the part of Bruce's brain which writes funny poetry, it also threw him off of a cliff into the wagon of a passing Gypsy caravan. Bruce has never seen his family since that day. He is hoping to use his poetry to be reunited with his 23 brothers and sisters. Each of his poems contains a sophisticated code which will hopefully allow Bruce to rejoin his 23 siblings. If you recognize any of the code in these poems, please sit on a bench in Central Park next Tuesday morning at 10am. Bruce will then approach you and mutter some physics equations while juggling chainsaws. He will know if you are one of his missing brothers and sisters by your response. Visit Bruce when you get a chance at www.brucelarkin.com)

The Best Poem Of Bruce Larkin

A Sad Love Story

His chances of holding her
Were the same as going to the moon.
There's no happy ending to the story
When a porcupine loves a balloon.

Bruce Larkin Comments

Waldo Graysoul 13 September 2012

These poems are really funny. Don't stop writing.

11 0 Reply
Bri Edwards 22 April 2022

Check him out at Wikipedia. bri ;) He's a funny guy!

0 0 Reply
Jasmine Villafane 27 October 2014

I use your poems all the time in my classroom. They are great! Keep them coming.

0 0 Reply
Sheila A. Larkin 04 October 2014

Poetry should be fun and Bruce Larkin makes it so with his words. Thanks a lot, Bruce!

4 0 Reply
Jasmin Lopez 28 May 2014

My daughter is a huge Bruce Larkin fan. She is always laughing at the silly poems you create. I have also benefited from A Giant Hopes for Visitors poem when it comes to cleaning time :) Keep them coming!

6 0 Reply
Waldo Graysoul 26 September 2012

I asked you to keep posting and you were kind enough to do so. My students say you really are the world's funniest poet. Please keep posting. I could use one poem for each school day.

11 0 Reply

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