Celine Laroza

Celine Laroza Poems

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Positive Phototaxis

an image of a fly placidly glued to a nightlight popped into my head
last night as i was randomly thinking about you.
(was i unconciously coming up with an analogy?)
going back to my story, the picture piqued my curiosity about
why some insects are attracted, overly, to light.

'phototaxis, ' my computer screen said.
'the bodily movement that occurs when an organism
moves towards or moves away from the stimulus of light.'
positive phototaxis, if it moves towards —
negative phototaxis, if it moves away —
from that, i wondered,
can human beings be phototactic as well?
and, what kind of taxis would it be
if the stimulus, instead of light, was a person?

(i guess i really was coming up with an analogy.)

i was always drawn to you.
you were that incandescence to my positively phototactic eyes.
but, your blaze had arms and they were pushing me away.
yet no matter how intense they beamed,
no matter how hard they tried to make themselves visible,
i still chose to stay.

your beacon was already sending me the brightest of all signs —
eye-openers that never reached my pupil; i grabbed them with my stares
i said, 'these will be my fuel'
my eyes were never sore that even with the heat of your rejection,
i still affixed them on yours.

i gave your luminescense the attention it needed
i equalled your sultry glow with the warmth of my body
i was still there searching for sparks — maybe hidden behind your iris
i dont know where
but hey, isnt light the symbol for hope?
i thought so, until one day, your glares disappeared.
it's silly how i never saw that coming.
the absence of light felt like dripping acid — into my phototactic eyes, it went
i rummaged through normal colors, seeking for that brightness
it was no longer there
it was blinding, for this phototactic lover.

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