chloe young

i tried to stop your calcium intake so that you would never grow
i wanted you to shrink so that i could keep you in my pocket
and you could gnaw through the fabric and plunge onto my toes.
...

i wish i could swim the pacific ocean and back.

and when i came back to sit in front of a burning burning fire
...

inhaling the ocean breeze and feeling it empty my lungs makes me feel completely intact

i can taste the salt in its entirety on my tongue and i try to scrape it all off with my front teeth
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i wake up and i think of you
and i look out of my window
it is grey and the lights stopped
glittering a long time ago
...

i can see the muscles strain on your
back when you lay alongside me, they
look like rib cages and i lay there too
and envisage that when you sleep i could
...

i feel choked by my words,
they are swelling inside my skull
and they are lathering me in sentiment and folly.
...

i have been told one million times that
love conquers all but it seems the coordinates
of my existence have never been found or
voyaged too. i thought i had found my destination
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grief struck me like a lightning bolt
the anguish thundered in my gut, tasting the
sting of it's acid decimating my throat
...

sometimes i wish my brain was a buzzer
and when the bleakness penetrates it,
there would be a massive noise piercing
directly through my ear hole,
...

If i could have your arms as a pillow, i would bring it everywhere, even on the bus. I would wrap it around me if i was cold. I would put half of it on my shoulders if i was at the cinema. I would put them behind me if i was looking at the sea, and make it squeeze around my
stomach until i felt you in my bellybutton.

I want to be a fish gliding through your veins, come out of your mouth and kiss every millimetre of your lips.
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i have relied on circumstance and fate all of my life.
god has never shone down on me and occupied
my life with luck.
...

i see the dust encrusted on your eyelids and your once elusive skin hanging over your jutted bones. everything has fallen.
not only our city, but everything in me.

i have seen my family buried under tonnes of bricks- their blood flooding at my feet. my father's skull crushed and my
...

i like sitting beside the window feeling tortured by the torrential rain, wishing that it was pounding at my surface, scratching away at my pores.

having bluegrass melodies sweeping up my ears, filling them with banjos and voices as cavernous as the grand canyon
...

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I used to live for everything; for the naked trees in the autumn, for the smell of hope in the
spring. Every time that smell came I would breathe deeper.
I would look out of my window at night and see the city lights gleaming up at me, they
screamed,
...

when i was drunk i rang you and you didn't pick up your phone.
i came to your house and bashed the door until
my knuckle bones ripped in two. my fingers were
ripped from my palm from trying to reach you.
...

...

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i felt every cell of each of your knuckles
as it collided with my cheekbone
and as my face was ripped from its symmetry
i felt my heart crash into my stomach
...

when i'm with you,
my heart does not beat.
it drums and thuds and thumps
until i can feel it in my feet.
...