Confusion Undastood

*Heavy Sigh*
I don't even know why I even considered to try,
Don't even know why I would risk hurt again
To feel for a minute what I know to me is forbidden.
...

I cried…
Today I cried, tears spilling down my face,
Droplets of water just running down,
The kind you shed when your heart aches,
...

So here, I was in the middle between the present and the past,
Leaning towards the present as it had more intrigue and clout.
Amusingly though, as life always is, my past and present were in the same predicament.
...

Pain continuously runs through my veins,
Yet i continuously smile through this
continuously laugh for others comfort,
for others enjoyment while I suffer.
...

He glosses over me,
He lingers on her smile,
His eyes say the words held by his tongue.
I stand aside watching, waiting
...

Today i cried like never before
Hurt rising to the surface.
Screams echoing loudly in my mind,
Guilt washed and engulfed me whole.
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Succes without love......
empty.
Joy without pain....
incomplete.
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You say I am cold and bitter,
You say I'm always mean.
You say that I'm a frustrating b$tch
Who makes you want to slap yourself and scream.
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Every day I wake up I think I am blessed
I think I am Special
I think today is a Good Day the Lord has made
...

Muddled, my mind is as muddled as can be,
I look at you and words I cant seem to express
just float and sink and twirl around escaping my lips
...

Kisses potent, eyes telling a story only expressed in motion,
Smile so bright it warms me more than the sun.
Your touch sets off fire works and I scramble to find words as it throws me off kilter.
Our conversations with our bodies are as deep
...

Interesting… ‘Tis the word frequently used to describe this phenomena,
Amazing isn’t it? You have so much to say when the person is absent,
Yet when in their presence the cat took your tongue and ran like it saw a dog.
Your mind goes blank, you start to talk gibberish
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At times I feel the end is near,
My outlook often turns bleak,
I cry and mope and feel depressed,
Not realizing that it is only just a test.
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Deep… when we talk… it’s just deep,
You called, I picked up, and then we just … relaxed.
You looked at me and I you.. and we just clicked
We got a vibe I just never felt before.
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In this world the lesson taught is honesty is not the best policy
Lie, Cheat, Hurt and Betray is what is encouraged throughout the day.
Smile in peoples faces, yet hate them in your heart
Bring another down and get a good start.
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I know u said you love me,
Yet we feel like strangers siting side by side,
I Know you said you would never hurt me,
Yet thoughts of you brings a hollow pain to my heart,
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At nights I think what should have been,
What could have been or even what must be.
At times I wonder IF........,
If we were truly meant to be.
...