Dave Birss

I’ve never been to a poetry reading before
Are there candles and joss-sticks to garnish the floor?
Or would these combustible hazards, in fact,
Contravene a new European Fire Safety Act?
...

I’m supposed to be a poet
But the words come so slow it
Just puts me to shame.
Should I give up this game
...

I'm happysad
laughcrying from our
goodbye-ing
and farewell kisses
...

When God made the pigeon
There was one extra bit
In his do-it-yourself
Build-a-pigeon kit
...

Once, I used to dream of being free.
Of having the time to be me.
To bury my head in brilliant books
To try cooking food by celebrity cooks
...

Like a paperback
With yellow pages
And a broken spine
Or a corkscrew
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Jocasta
tried to eat her pasta
fasta
than her brother who was the masta.
...

empty
‘cos you’re so far away
full
when I hear your voice every day
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You’d probably prefer if I threw in a pound
To reward your performance
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The helmet for your motor bike
A big syringe with a scary spike
A bumper pack of sticky plasters
The revolting oil that comes from castors
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I haven’t got an Afro like
A super-fly white guy.
I don’t have a mohecan that
points straight up to the sky.
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God created the cat
To be supple and lithe as an acrobat.
It could fit through a gap that was much too narrow
It could leap in the air to catch a sparrow
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Every time we passed
They laughed
It may seem paranoid
And daft
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A pregnant lady got on to my bus.
I was always taught not to make a fuss
But to get to your feet
And offer your seat.
...

I didn’t even love her
It was just my urge to discover
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In July of 1987
The Queen arrived to cut the ribbon
And open Inverness Town Hall
Revealing a brass plaque on the wall.
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If I were you
I'd fancy me
Because I'd have your physiognomy;
You hair,
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Two more sleeps till I see you
And time just travels too slow.
Then when it’s us
I’ll be frustrated because
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The other lads
in my class
used to collect
their gob
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