Members Who Read Most Number Of Poems

Live Scores

Click here to see the rest of the list

Writing Poetry

Discuss ways to improve your poetry. Post your techniques, tips, and creative ideas about how to write better.
Post a message

Click here to list all messages

James Kastner Male, 59, United States (5/26/2013 11:56:00 AM)

(This massage was posted as a reply to that message)

I love this stuff and was taught by professor who wrote this and grew up with it. I loved teaching it. Using know what you've been taught about metric and the sooner form (English sonnet in your poem) , but these are the basics. Types of metric feet- iambic (non stressed, stressed) , trochaic (stressed, non stressed) , anapestic (non stressed, non stressed, stressed) , spondee (non stressed, non stressed) , forgot the name (stressed, stressed) . An English sonnet has the pattern: 14 iambic lines with an a b a b, c d c d, e f e f, g g rhyme rhyme scheme. You are allowed two feet in each line to not be iambic.

With that said. This is how I'm scanning your poem:
Line 1: torchee torchee torchee iamb iamb
Line 2: okay
Line 3: iamb iamb anapest anapest
Line 4: iamb iamb iamb anapest

Line 5: anapest iamb iamb iamb
Line 6; iamb torchee iamb with feminine ending
Line 7: iamb iamb torchee torchee
Line 8: iamb iamb torchee

Line 9: anapest iamb torchee
Line 10: iamb iamb torchee iamb
Line 11: anapest torchee iamb
Line 12: anapest iamb iamb iamb

Line 13: iamb iamb anapest
Line 14: okay

Suggestions- I don't want to rewrite your poem. But here are some ideas. When you start a line with a stressed syllable, you often end up with a line that is mostly trochaic. Try starting line one with a non stressed syllable. The line should become mostly iambic. Line three, add an iambic foot at the end of the line. Line four, you just need one more foot of any type. The same with line five. Line six, put an iamb followed by any type of foot. Line seven, you need an iamb at the end of the line. Line eight, one of the last two feet needs to be iambic. Line nine, you need two iambic feet. Line ten, as ny type of foot at the end of the line. Line eleven, one iamb and one foot of any type.

I hope this is helpful as it is long winded.

To post a reply to this message, click here
Replies for this message:

 

  • James Kastner (5/26/2013 12:03:00 PM) Post reply

    I want to add that I like poems content and the rhyme scheme works. It only needs some tinkering with the meter. Good luck.

[Hata Bildir]