Poetics and Poetry Discussion


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  • Ella Yaron (4/30/2014 1:15:00 PM) Post reply

    I just read 'Baby Song' by Thom Gunn. I found it quite evocative; illustrating a young baby's perspective on leaving the safe refuge of his mother's womb and entering the harsh world of reality, forcing upon him awareness of the fact that he is no longer unified with his mother as one entity.

    Here's the poem:

    From the private ease of Mother's womb
    I fall into the lighted room.

    Why don't they simply put me back
    Where it is warm amd wet and black?

    But one thing follows on another.
    Things were different inside Mother.

    Padded and jolly I would ride
    The perfect comfort of her inside.

    They tuck me in a rustling bed

    - I lie there, raging, small, and red.

    I may sleep soon, I may forget,
    But I won't forget that I regret.

    A rain of blood poured round her womb,
    But all time roars outside this room.

  • Yash Shinde (4/30/2014 8:50:00 AM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

    Dear honest critics, I seek your reviews on this one.....

    ##To bosom thee.....I'll Rise...##..

    He was before his beloved,
    Kneeling on his thighs……..
    His shoulders down,
    With soulful cries…….

    Slid down his cheeks, like shiny pearls,
    The tears that his doleful eyes did shed….
    Was held in them a vision of his mistress,
    Who lied helpless in her cold deathbed….

    Bowing his head, lifting hands in plea,
    Breaking the silence, quoth he-

    ____”Once bound with the essence of thee
    ____I now wash the coast like a restless sea”
    ____”Powered by love my heart did bore,
    ____I’ll trace your impressions on the sandy shore….”

    ____”Turning stones time does flow,
    ____a model of valor, should you lie so low?”
    ____”your mellow fragrance in the darkness behind,
    ____tell me my precious, where will I find?”

    She raised her eyes, deep as a sea,
    In a soothing voice, quoth she-

    ____”See the alluring florets of rose that,
    ____bloom opening their carmine lips, ”
    ____”With a mellow scent, they invite,
    ____butterflies to deliver a kiss…..”

    ____”In blossom of rose you shall see me,
    ____that blooms with the kiss of thee..”
    ____”Amongst trodden hopes and dismal cries,
    ____like the sun of hope I will rise! ”

    ____”Thus like a rose dwelling
    ____in the eyes of thee”
    ____”In curls of petals,
    ____You shall find me…”

    With his blood hitting his veins like an edgy sea,
    In a painful voice quoth he-

    ____”Every blossom does wither with time,
    ____every Bonnie creation someday declines.”
    ____”In the withered remnants dispelled behind
    ____ tell me my love where would I find?”

    Wiping the tears his had shed.
    With calmness of a sage, his beloved said-

    ____”If you wash the shore like a restless sea.
    ____in spiriting rivers you shall find me..”
    ____”Which through meandering turns do make their course,
    ____and cut through boulders to reach their source…”

    ____”Like a river unifying with salinity of the sea,
    ____I lose my soul, and ally with thee..”

    ____”If like a graceful dove you’ll appraise the sky, ____
    ____like a breeze from the surface, I’ll rise” ____
    ____”Like a phoenix that rises from ashes to life, ____
    ____to wipe your tears from dust I’ll rise”____
    ____”Like an angel that dwells in heavenly paradise, ____
    ____to empower the oceanic tides, like moon I’ll rise”____
    ____”In my portrait I’ll live that dwells in your eyne,
    ____Like a fragrance that scents I’ll rise” ____

    - - -”Search me not the remnants behind,
    - - -But in the stillness of your soul, me you’ll find”
    - - -Mortals do vanish, true love never dies…
    - - -To bosom thee, from dead I’ll rise….

    ______________________

    The pearls slid smoothly over his facial curls,
    And wet the still heart that bore his name…
    The silent heart of a sacred soul,
    Dipped in the bloody tears, pious it became……


    Copyright © Yash Shinde 2014

    Replies for this message:
    • Mike Acker (4/30/2014 11:38:00 AM) Post reply

      Parts of this are fantastic, especially if English is not your mother tongue.

  • Yash Shinde (4/30/2014 8:42:00 AM) Post reply

    Dear honest critics, I seek your reviews on this one.....

    ##To bosom thee.....I'll Rise...##..

    He was before his beloved,
    Kneeling on his thighs……..
    His shoulders down,
    With soulful cries…….

    Slid down his cheeks, like shiny pearls,
    The tears that his doleful eyes did shed….
    Was held in them a vision of his mistress,
    Who lied helpless in her cold deathbed….

    Bowing his head, lifting hands in plea,
    Breaking the silence, quoth he-

    ____”Once bound with the essence of thee
    ____I now wash the coast like a restless sea”
    ____”Powered by love my heart did bore,
    ____I’ll trace your impressions on the sandy shore….”

    ____”Turning stones time does flow,
    ____a model of valor, should you lie so low?”
    ____”your mellow fragrance in the darkness behind,
    ____tell me my precious, where will I find?”

    She raised her eyes, deep as a sea,
    In a soothing voice, quoth she-

    ____”See the alluring florets of rose that,
    ____bloom opening their carmine lips, ”
    ____”With a mellow scent, they invite,
    ____butterflies to deliver a kiss…..”

    ____”In blossom of rose you shall see me,
    ____that blooms with the kiss of thee..”
    ____”Amongst trodden hopes and dismal cries,
    ____like the sun of hope I will rise! ”

    ____”Thus like a rose dwelling
    ____in the eyes of thee”
    ____”In curls of petals,
    ____You shall find me…”

    With his blood hitting his veins like an edgy sea,
    In a painful voice quoth he-

    ____”Every blossom does wither with time,
    ____every Bonnie creation someday declines.”
    ____”In the withered remnants dispelled behind
    ____ tell me my love where would I find?”

    Wiping the tears his had shed.
    With calmness of a sage, his beloved said-

    ____”If you wash the shore like a restless sea.
    ____in spiriting rivers you shall find me..”
    ____”Which through meandering turns do make their course,
    ____and cut through boulders to reach their source…”

    ____”Like a river unifying with salinity of the sea,
    ____I lose my soul, and ally with thee..”

    ____”If like a graceful dove you’ll appraise the sky, ____
    ____like a breeze from the surface, I’ll rise” ____
    ____”Like a phoenix that rises from ashes to life, ____
    ____to wipe your tears from dust I’ll rise”____
    ____”Like an angel that dwells in heavenly paradise, ____
    ____to empower the oceanic tides, like moon I’ll rise”____
    ____”In my portrait I’ll live that dwells in your eyne,
    ____Like a fragrance that scents I’ll rise” ____

    - - -”Search me not the remnants behind,
    - - -But in the stillness of your soul, me you’ll find”
    - - -Mortals do vanish, true love never dies…
    - - -To bosom thee, from dead I’ll rise….

    ______________________

    The pearls slid smoothly over his facial curls,
    And wet the still heart that bore his name…
    The silent heart of a sacred soul,
    Dipped in the bloody tears, pious it became……


    Copyright © Yash Shinde 2014

  • Shahen Pardiwala (4/30/2014 5:13:00 AM) Post reply

    recently, i read a poem by robert frost named Mending wall. it is a very beautifully explained poem. However, the poem isn't as relative to todays scenario than it was a century ago. however, i am not able to find the other poems of robert frost.

  • Mary Amrutha (4/29/2014 10:59:00 AM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

    WHAT is happening here i can't post any of my poems.... some kinda error

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  • Elisha Chhabra (4/29/2014 10:41:00 AM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

    Hey help!
    I can login to my account but when I click on my name link or manage poems, it keeps saying 'Page cannot be displayed'
    It's been 4 hours.
    any way out?

    Replies for this message:
  • Shriya Sarang (4/29/2014 12:03:00 AM) Post reply | Read 3 replies

    its a poem in our book daffodils by william wordsworth who is said to be a nature poet and is also famous for his lucy poems. Its a must read poem and all other poems by william wordsworth are also nice

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  • Mike Acker (4/28/2014 7:09:00 PM) Post reply

    Is this poetry? I am confused....no need to answer Palmer. We know this is one of your female canines!

    ..Within your eyes
    by Peter Stavropoulos
    (Best Love Poems)

    Beauty lies
    Within your eyes
    I can't speak
    Of what I seek
    Its mystery
    A majesty
    No purpose seems
    To fit dreams
    Beneath the lid
    Your eyes hid

  • Mike Acker (4/28/2014 7:04:00 PM) Post reply

    Oh, just to help you along, you are not a poet.

    If there were anything genuine about the statement below, you could have easily posted it as a reply. But, just like the head snake on here, you have to broadcast as loudly as possible. No matter what you say, Peter(DOT DASH) no size of post will ever make your poetry any less barfy.

    Nothing personal, though.

  • Mike Acker (4/28/2014 5:59:00 PM) Post reply

    My god, I can`t believe this one, a rare treasure from 1903! !

    2/10/1903 9: 12: 00 PM FORUM: Poetics & Poetry Discussion
    This message has 5 reply ]]] Mr. Lamont Palmer, you`ve been on this forum for over 4 years, and you write the same poetry that is poorly written and that often is not meant to be taken seriously or put simply, doggerel. Not to forget the self-important drivel you constantly post. We are hoping that by late 1904 we will be kickin people like out of here based on the doggerel and drivel you come up with.

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