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Frank James Ryan Jr...fjr Frank James Ryan Jr...fjr Male, 56, United States (6/7/2013 8:37:00 PM)

Erudite Lessons From Cats...{Moon Diamonds}

Siamese Cats perched on eaves,
Thai eye's coruscate like diamonds
[*Wichien-maat (??????????) ],
just call them..." Moon Diamonds, *

Sans the slightest movement of vertebrae,
cyan eye's, poised, fixed,
ossified like stonework by Keiffer,
graceful, adroitly mischievous
unless bristled to madly distemper,
for then perhaps a catty brush of Dali.

Creeping o'er and 'round their world
wherever " THEY" decide it will be!
Wise, cold-shouldered
yet they sleep well at night
beneath Moons warm blanket of spotlight.

Mornings break brings stretch and folly,
roaming free, leaping high, focussed
with those spangled occular almonds
spanning their vast perimeters
ostensibly, in defiance of gravities law,
like moon diamonds.

*Wichien-maat or (??????????) , is a Thai word which means....." Moon Diamond"
As the name indicates, the Siamese Cats are said to have hailed from the temples of the Kingdom of Siam, now known as Thailand. This breed of cats became a much sought after cat in several countries. In its native place, the Siamese cat is called a local Thai name which meant “moon diamond.” The Siamese cat looks very sleek and pointy. The parts of its body which are cool have darker shade....Info Source/Wikopedia

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  • Rookie - 9 Points Mary Morstan (6/9/2013 5:32:00 AM) Post reply
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    Hi there, " eye's" is not a contraction (that is, you are not shortening a word) : it currently reads " eye is" . On the other hand, it's " Moon's warm blanket" (the moon owns the warm blanket, therefore it's a possessive) , " Morning's break" , and " gravity's law" .

    I like " cyan eyes, poised, fixed..." , but " adroitly mischievous" ?How can a cat be " adroitly mischievous" ?If you are not going to qualify this, drop it. The same goes for " madly distemper" . Here I thought you were playing with the idea that the cat is diseased, hence it's confusing (besides, you don't need another descriptive word (" madly" ;) so soon. Overuse of adverbs gives the impression that you lack confidence as a writer: trust your adjectives and nouns (and your own poem) .

    Accordingly, " ostensibly" is both awkward (it's too far away from the verb that it modifies) and unnecessary. (Or do you feel it is important?If so, why?I don't mean you should answer me...just yourself) .

    Love the " catty brush of Dali" .

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