Poetics and Poetry Discussion
(6/9/2013 5:32:00 AM)
Hi there, " eye's" is not a contraction (that is, you are not shortening a word) : it currently reads " eye is" . On the other hand, it's " Moon's warm blanket" (the moon owns the warm blanket, therefore it's a possessive) , " Morning's break" , and " gravity's law" .
I like " cyan eyes, poised, fixed..." , but " adroitly mischievous" ?How can a cat be " adroitly mischievous" ?If you are not going to qualify this, drop it. The same goes for " madly distemper" . Here I thought you were playing with the idea that the cat is diseased, hence it's confusing (besides, you don't need another descriptive word (" madly" ;) so soon. Overuse of adverbs gives the impression that you lack confidence as a writer: trust your adjectives and nouns (and your own poem) .
Accordingly, " ostensibly" is both awkward (it's too far away from the verb that it modifies) and unnecessary. (Or do you feel it is important?If so, why?I don't mean you should answer me...just yourself) .
Love the " catty brush of Dali" .