Critiques and Revision
(9/11/2014 8:49:00 AM)
Too deep or not too deep
That is the question
Surfing around in my mind
The waves of emotion
Come into shore
By twisted tongue
As the crab collected from
The morning tide
My heart is picked up and
Put in a basket just waiting
It sits on a shelf scared to
Death, is this the end
Pick me! Pick me!
Is it over or has it just begun?
(9/6/2014 3:15:00 PM)
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Criticism fails if not achieving the objective point of view anytime, so a critic who takes things personal, then he will fail later on.
(9/4/2014 10:59:00 PM)
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Blood drips from the open palm
the hand silently cries
due to the pain it received
The knife passes blamelessly
slicing deep through already heavily scarred skin
before moving on to the soft flesh of the wrist
unaware that it is doing any wrong
the hand that holds it is at fault
but won’t suffer any punishment
People would say the wielder needs help
but won’t do a damn thing about it to ease their pain
sometimes all they need is a little support
a comforting voice in their world of chaos
just to show them that someone cares enough about them
to make them put down the blade
(9/4/2014 8:30:00 PM)
It is right nothing is fixed, no truth, no love and nothing. It is all relative, here there and everywhere.
(9/4/2014 7:12:00 AM)
This poem is called Stranger, probably one of my personal favourites of my own works
" Tell me your story young chestnut brown,
I've never seen your face, you must be new in town,
What do these darkened ridges on your hands mean?
Normally i cant keep a conversation but you seem so keen.
Explain to me the honeyed tone in your voice,
I understand this absent minded beauty isn't of choice.
Does your stomach feel a-flutter,
alike a fly of butter,
Well I must bid you good day, its a shame this must end,
maybe this time tomorrow i can call you 'friend'?
Walk your path down the evergreen,
most interesting soul i ever have seen,
maybe when you pass a another time, you,
Your journey away will accommodate for two?"
Nehemiah Theophylus Haokip
(8/29/2014 11:27:00 AM)
The saga of bloody hours 5
Soldier aiming the soul of mutt,
To lean on the wall of freedom,
But the pitiless war won’t end,
Until the wave of unity rise,
My lips will spell out those words,
To level the miracles of lord,
The people will march till the end,
FOR they HAD sin to glory,
The saga was rightfully ours,
But we vamoose our dreams,
The blessing was from century,
And the curse was from the beginning,
But the crisis not ready to leave us,
The enemies will long war,
And the force will pressure high,
As we were angry,
God alone was enough to protect us,
But we settle very thing,
The rain will flow down with fish,
In the name of our lord,
The star will dwell in our head high,
To ember the darkness of an anger freak,
He hear our cries,
For we praise upon him,
The fang will break the gold of our sin,
For love was left for us,
As we were poor and needy,
To make him proud of what we were.
written by Nehemiah theophylus haokip
(8/28/2014 11:26:00 PM)
In the darkest corners of my dreams
I was running away from everything
that reminded me of you
the origami heart shapes
Searching for a breakthrough
I'll be okay tonight
I counted sheep to pass the time
but it doesn't matter, I'm wide awake
Feels like a wave is crashing over me
When I'm sinking and nobody cries for help
I must be brave although I'm still fragile
Like grandma's trinkets above the fire place
I'll be okay tonight
(8/28/2014 11:25:00 PM)
Darling darling this world is mess
A mixture of wealthy corporations
Selfish bureaucracies slithering for our money
That melts away like cheap wax
every time we see commercials ads.
I want to cuddle you
like my new born
Before you rot in a ditch,
floating away down the river.
Bullets that have hatched into bodies
My body, a plastic bag
With fingers, lips and eyes.
bangs at the door
black boots standing at the exit
I shall weep under my bed
leaving my cereal and orange juice untouched.
Perhaps I am a tyrannical criminal,
boot impressions littered around the bodies in the road
Never the less, I cannot pray for a higher power anymore
(8/28/2014 10:01:00 AM)
In fact, objectivity and honesty are two good factors in estimating any poem.
(8/27/2014 10:55:00 AM)
I suggest, great members, that we can pick a certain poem to analyze objectively everyday.