Critiques and Revision


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  • Alexis ... (7/3/2012 5:40:00 PM) Post reply

    Hello fellow Poets,
    My poem " Long Ago" is the member poem today, I would love comments on it as well as my other poems and ratings too.
    Thanks

  • Iquo Umoh (7/2/2012 11:58:00 AM) Post reply

    hi y'all please what do you think about this poem:

    I am a citizen of the Kingdom
    where certain laws do not apply to its people.
    My people live in various parts of the earth
    as representatives of this kingdom.
    There are other governments that exist,
    but where I come from,
    the King is supreme over every other
    and all other nations submit to His authority.

    I have legal right to exercise authority
    to use the name of the King's Son.
    I have an account with Him
    from which I am free to make
    withdrawals of whatever I need
    to enable me effectively represent him
    wherever I am located.

    The beauty of my citizenship is that
    I was not born a citizen;
    I was born a member of another kingdom
    that refused to submit t
    to the authority of the King.
    I pledged my allegiance to the King
    when I got to know about all He has to offer me;
    and hey! The bargain is mind blowing;
    outta this world!

    Today, I am citizen of this wonderful Kingdom.
    The King in His infinite mercy
    provided an opportunity
    for every being in His dominion
    to become citizens of His Kingdom
    not just citizens
    but adoptive Sons and daughters
    with the equal right of Sonship,
    just like the first born Son!

    Where in the Universe have you seen that happen?
    Fortunately, He sent His firstborn Son
    to send the message to us here many years ago.
    The Son was murdered.
    Some people did not receive his message,
    but others who wanted a way out
    into a kingdom of peace and freedom
    accepted His message.

    The Son died a
    and amazingly came back to life
    and more amazingly went back
    to be with the King, His Father
    with the message that all who accept
    this wonderful opportunity
    to be part of His Father's Kingdom
    by simply believing that message of hope to all,
    for all life time
    will have the same kind of Life He has;
    the Life that is not bound
    by certain laws as we know them;
    the life that cannot be destroyed.
    The life that is Everlasting!
    How amazing!

    This is no hoax or some scam
    to set you up to giddy up
    and join some band wagon
    of go lucky happy fellas!
    It is truth and fact
    and totally free to any person
    who simply believes in the Son
    and the message He has for everyone
    for all life time.
    No currency needed or any weight to carry.
    Some reading this are already
    part of the Kingdom of the King
    and they know what I am talking about.
    Give me a holler brothers and sisters!
    They are my siblings you know. 'wink'.

    All that is needed is,
    pledge your allegiance
    to the King, His Son and His kingdom
    and renounce your citizenship to the current kingdom
    (the one against the King
    and who has refused to submit to the King's dominion)
    under whose authority you may be in now.

    The moment you do so,
    and believe His words,
    it's all yours:
    Citizenship, Sonship, and you know what?
    He gives you power of attorney to represent Him
    wherever you are located,
    and as ambassadors of the Kingdom,
    your primary duty is to ensure others
    hear and get to know this same message of reconciliation
    of every person, people and nation,
    to others that they may benefit
    what you get to benefit from being the King's kid!
    Hey, please, don't be selfish!

    You may be trying to figure out
    who this King is.
    Some know who He is
    but refuse to submit to His authority,
    how sad…
    Anyway, people of different nations
    call Him by different names.
    I call Him, " Father" ,
    He calls Himself, " I Am"
    (He's always constant, always in the present. " wink"
    can you beat that?!) ,
    some call Him, " The Almighty" .
    He is none other than the Almighty God;
    the Father of the Lord Jesus Christ
    and the entire universe belongs to Him.

    To get more information
    on how to be part of His Kingdom
    you can read 'The Book'
    (known to us as 'The Bible'
    all you need to know is written there) .

    There's so much to say
    about My Father's Kingdom.
    If I were to continue,
    books upon books will not contain my good news
    and you may never understand
    until you become part of His Kingdom.
    All the King wants
    is for all the nations of the world
    to be under one kingdom
    unified and strong
    and definitely in order
    and in justice and truth
    and all the good things you ever imagined.

    So, you can get a copy of The Book
    (it has smaller books in it
    and sold in almost every book store)
    open to the book of Romans 10 read verses 9 and 10.
    Oooo ok! ! I'll quote it. It's so exciting:

    " If you confess with your mouth
    " Jesus Is Lord"
    and believe in your heart
    that God raised him from the dead,
    you will be saved.
    For it is with your heart
    that you believe and are justified
    and it is with your mouth
    you confess and are saved."

    So you can do so right now
    and it's yours; free!
    F.O.C. - Free Of Charge!

    Isn't that great good news!

    Christ's Ambassador.

  • Arielle D'amore (6/30/2012 12:23:00 PM) Post reply

    Hi everyone! I. New to this website and would really appreciate if u could send me some feedback on my poetry thanks sooo much! If you read mine I will read yours that way we can grows poets together! Much love[3

  • Gabhriel Londe (6/28/2012 6:05:00 PM) Post reply

    Hello, I was hoping some of you could take a look at the poems I have posted on my profile so far, and give me whatever feedback and ratings you could. It would be VERY much appreciated, and I will return the favor! It's only fair. :)
    Thank you ahead of time, and I hope to hear from y'all soon!

  • Lusekelo Simwela (6/23/2012 3:13:00 PM) Post reply

    people! i made a pdf, a compilation of some of my poems...if you want a copy you can send me your emails through Facebook http://www.facebook.com/killah.simwela (inbox) or thruogh my email lsimwela@yahoo.com

  • Rookie - 0 Points Darren David Weaver (6/21/2012 3:09:00 AM) Post reply

    Please leave me some feedback on the poems on my page. Any kind of feedback will be very much appreciated whether positive or negative, simple or detailed. In return I will offer feedback on yours. Thankyou in advance!

  • Rookie - 0 Points Charles Beck (6/19/2012 8:57:00 PM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

    Here is my first attempt to write a sonnet. What do you think?

    Karen's Sonnet

    A rose may bloom, and then will surly fade.
    She was a lovely maiden when we wed.
    With dreams and hopes she marched on her crusade.
    Brief gleams a blossom before petals shed.
    Like short lived daisy faces bright with life.
    And sweet smelling roses on my front gate.
    My soul was made complete by this my wife.
    I have lost her, my companion and mate.
    But I know where she's gone, and I shall see
    Again her beauty, vigor, and her love.
    Reborn again, like blooms of spring, she'll be.
    With God, angels, family, bright flowers above.
    . So while we may grow old with age and fade,
    . In eternal spring blooms my lovely maid.

    Replies for this message:
    • Mark Normand (7/7/2012 1:54:00 AM) Post reply

      I never learned to write poems in the way poetry is taught in school. I might pretend to understand all of the terms but no I don't. I just write the way it comes out. This is a very good poem with a ... more

  • Rookie - 0 Points Ritika Abrol (6/19/2012 5:13:00 AM) Post reply

    Please comment and criticize :) ... I'd appreciate any input, really wish to know if am any good :)

    Peaceful sleep

    I stand so near, I cannot see
    Differences 'tween the sea and me
    I shed 'ts brine, it my tears
    It happens so, I stand so near

    Lashing against my ankles deep
    'ts watery mane tipped with ivory
    It tries to take back in it own self
    As in half embrace, in it I delve

    I whisper to it aglow with stars
    Bare my heart, show all it's scars
    And say 'ts okay to loved not be
    It's overrated, peaceful sleep

    I then let it have 'ts say
    Before from it I break away
    And it implores me to just see
    Mean scars, I've begun to heal

    But I cannot but feel I've not
    'ts too hard to be loved not
    I then let it from my palm seep
    Tell myself the scars too deep

    Ashore it shall not return, I know
    'ts gone too far for me to go
    And obtain it to hide and keep
    My little bit of peaceful sleep

  • Rookie - 0 Points Hawkins Rodgers (6/18/2012 10:30:00 AM) Post reply

    Alienated for clinging to that final ideal
    Cast away for desperately trying to believe all the noble ideas of our childhood were real
    Now I feel, confused, and the way this's been going I may never figure it all out
    But forgive me for not so quickly surrendering all of my hopes, to doubt

  • Rookie - 0 Points Mariska Coetzee (6/18/2012 6:39:00 AM) Post reply

    My Love Seems To Dwell In Darkness

    My love seems to dwell in darkness-
    which like a hungry beast lies in waiting, lies in waiting-
    to devour my heart.

    My love watches me-
    like a raven eager to tear at the decaying flesh, the decaying flesh -
    of my heart.

    My love lurks in the shadows-
    like a wolf prowling the night for death to consume, death-
    to consume my strength.

    My love drains my sanity -
    from me, like blood flows from an inflicted wound-
    an inflicted wound in my deepest being.

    My love hides anticipating-
    like a crow in a shadow watches a dying creature, waiting for death-
    waiting for death to take my will.

    My love seems to dwell in darkness-
    which like a hungry beast lies in waiting, lies in waiting-
    to find me once more.

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