Treasure Island

Critiques and Revision

Post your poems here for objective, honest critiques and suggestions.
Post a message

Click here to list all messages

Sonali Dalal Female, 53, India (8/28/2011 1:13:00 AM)

I have started writing poems one week back. Here is my first attempt. I would like honest opinion.


Why and why nots
revolve in my mind
tumble around
in a fast paced spin

Does my mind ever rest?

Dreaming impossible
attempting unattainable
playing un-playable role
whirlpool of thoughts

Does my mind ever rest?

Trying to fathom
meaning of life
trying to unfold
mystery behind

Does my mind ever rest?

-Sonali Dalal

To post a reply to this message, click here
Replies for this message:


  • Spiros Zafiris (11/15/2011 10:25:00 PM) Post reply

    ..your poem shows promise..articles
    would help 'a/the' as in 'dreaming
    the impossible' instead of 'dreaming
    impossible'..enjoyed reading..spiros

[Hata Bildir]