Critiques and Revision


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Jamie Woods United States (12/29/2011 12:35:00 AM)

~
Ticking, tocking, watch me go
i am third place in the space-time continuum
hand me my bronze idol
so i may build my pedestal of choked successes
grappling for esteem of the self
as
i am third in the space-time continuum
after space and time only:
for, i am the centre of my universe, of course
orbited
we cannot look beyond what we refuse to see
looking glasses do not illuminate
refraction is an artifice
deceit for stroking of the
tender ego.
Looking in a mirror is
like the earth searching for its face in the sun
all it can see are the glorious flames and
the tunnel it peeks gingerly through
shadowed and
unwilling to believe.
“Only to live
for thyself.”
And so, we end by the lovely indulgence
of unintentional
suicide
~

[I doubt anyone will read this, but if you do, I'd be glad to hear any thoughts c: ]

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  • Rookie Amy V (12/29/2011 12:58:00 PM) Post reply
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    I love the truth and the flow of ideas here. Too much poetry is about the shallow and almost unreal fleeting emotions. This poem has much deeper issues, such as our relation to ego and the way reality is arranged. Enjoyable and humbling to read, nice work! !

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