Jessica Hernandez (teardrop)
Biography of Jessica Hernandez (teardrop)
Breathe in experience, Breathe out poetry.
My name is Jessica Hernandez and I am 21 years old. I was born in Oklahoma but have lived my whole life in Wichita Kansas. I will be going to college to be a substance abuse counselor but I’m not sure when yet.
I've been through enough in life and that has me writing many poems. I started writing poems when I was in the 6th grade. It was mostly just emotions and thoughts nothing really good or structured. Even now my poetry is free style I dont like the structured poetry it seems to confusing and not real to me.
The years went on and my whole life made a complete turn for the worse. I started doing drugs and became addicted to them. The worse part is that my drug of choice was huffing (inhalants) and I became very addicted to it. Another thing that i was doing and that i still do now is cutting. I try to stop but its a struggle. That all went on for many years until I wasnt able to hide it from the people around me. I was out of control and got arrested many times. I needed help and I got that help from going to rehab for the first time in my life. I Went to rehab had a couple of relapse and finally graduated from there. I stayed sober and straight for awhile. That part of my life inspired me more to continue writing. My poetry became dark, hard and a little depressing. Then later on in life I relapsed and everything went down hill from there. I was back on the drugs especially huffing. Still cutting myself so I could deal with life. I was getting arrested almost every single day. Then finally one day I got arrested but ended up getting booked and went to the juvenile jail. That was the last time that I got arrested. I was in jail for awhile. Then I had my court and the judge sent me to a inpatient rehab facility. Once I graduated from there I went back to jail. I was away from my family for 4 months. After those 4 months I was able to go home but I was placed on house arrest and had to go to rehab again. I was on house arrest for 3 months. I went back to court after those 3 months and was placed on 1 year of intensive probation. On April 7th of 2010 I finally completed my probation and I am finally FREE.
Also another thing that I have been through is psychiatric hospitals. I have been in and out of them since age 14 for many differnet reasons.
With all the things that I did especially the huffing I’m pretty sure that I messed up my brain a little. All those 7-8 years of huffing and drugs using messed me up. Now I have some psychiatric disorders that I say were caused by my using because I didn’t have them before.
That’s my past now let my tell you the here and now. I have made another turn but this time for the better. The only thing that has stayed the same is that I still have the psychiatric disorders and that I cut myself. I try to stop but it is a struggle. I still continue writing the dark and hard poetry because there is so much that I still have to write from back then or I just might be stuck to writing that way. I have been through so much in my life that people thought that I was going to stay at the bottom but I came up and fought. Before I couldn’t imagine myself finishing high school thinking about college or even thinking about my future. I graduated high school. I plan to go to college at some point in my life and I think about my future sometimes. Every single person that meets me and hears or reads my life's story is completely surprised to see that I have come so far in life and haven't gave up on life in many different ways. Poetry has given me the chance to release everything that i have went through in my life without having to tell another person. Poetry has kept me sane and alive.
Now I am Sober. I am so proud of myself.
Jessica Hernandez (teardrop) Poems
Suffering everyday Unknown by society Isolated from reality Cutting away my pain
I want to belong no longer walking alone A stranger within my body I no longer know myself.
Tears in blood Leaving marks Silent mouth Eyes speak in poetry
Insane by the minute... Walking along deaths path Locked in his thoughts... the voices never STOP!
I Am A Mexican
I am a Mexican Proud as the mother of a child My heart as big as my Mexico
Angel Of Death
The angel of death Comes above me And says Don’t do it,
Scared Of Me, Scared Of You
Your scared of me. Dont lie I know. I'm scared of you. Now you know. I cut, I bleed, I see what you don't, I hear what you don't, I'm drowning in pain, I think suicide, I'm going insane, Death is my friend. Your scared of me. Dont lie I know.
Why I Cut
Such wonderful moments that the wind steals. The pain is growing. Every second that passes
Isolation brings me here To the shadows of evil. My memories of day are gone. Deeper by the minute
Mexicans are brown That’s my race So don’t mess around Mexican Pride
Two voices in my head. Different in every way. Each one comes and goes when ever they want not caring what the moment is. It's not that I'm crazy, I've just discovered the hidden me. You will never understand what it is or how it feels. There's nothing I can do when they start because I want both but I cant have them both.
Craving them...Reaching for them...
Most of the time I let them go I am to sane to keep running for them. I always thought that I was insane for everything I did...Reali