Nick Schultz

To be loved is to be free.
To be completely happy and filled with joy.
To love someone back is to set someone free.
To erase all their loneliness, erase all their fear.
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We all know the mind is a powerful tool.
It can make a Heaven out of Hell, and a Hell out of Heaven.
But, tell me this. Is it not true that the mind can make both of them up?
Maybe we are alone in this lonely expanse of universe.
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If I were to die, to take my own life.
I wonder if anyone out there would miss me?
Perhaps, perhaps not, I’ve not a clue anymore.
I go through my day being ignored.
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I hold on to people too tightly.
The cuts in my flesh represent that.
I let nothing go, and no matter how hard I try.
I can’t make people see how much I care for them.
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My heart is so tired of being broken.
It tells me to stop hurting it, that it can’t take more pain.
As if I were the one to blame.
Maybe I am, I don’t know.
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As I gaze into my soul, I see.
Madness, terror and misery eating away at me.
But, as I gave into the deepest depths of myself, I see.
Not terror, pain, or misery.
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Oh, what has changed about me.
Let me count the things.
Lost my taste for good poetry and good love.
Hell, don’t even think the latter exists.
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My heart, broke so oft of late.
Can’t bear so much pain all by itself.
Need someone to take my pain away.
But I know I never will find.
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This is the end, my friend.
Everything thus far has come together.
To create one swirling mass of pain and torment.
My past failures leer at me, and my future ones mock me.
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Every time it happens, never failed it has.
I reach my feelings out, try to love again.
It goes good for a while, then falls apart.
All because of some other person someone loves more.
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Follow the shining light, young one.
Follow it, and everything will be all right.
Pay no heed to the darkness around you.
So full of lies, hate, and evil.
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I feel the tears form, feel the pain.
People to talk to, but they don’t talk back.
Sometimes feels I got stabbed in the back.
My “friends” think I’m nothing.
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Though I can’t look deeply into your eyes.
Your voice provides a window to thy soul, through which my lonely eyes watch.
Savoring every moment we’re together, yet apart.
Not knowing how to express my feelings.
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My head has been spinning, my heart has been torn.
Don’t know what to think to say, or to feel.
My emotions run wild, and so do my thoughts.
My blood has been racing, and my hands shake frequently.
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Don’t ask why I hurt, ask not why I cry.
Half of you know the exact reasons why.
My cuts are bleeding, my throat is dry.
My heart cannot feel anymore, my soul has become a dark deep hole.
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As I gaze into the depths.
Filled with the blood.
The blood of people I’ve hurt.
The blood of mine, from my wounds.
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You say you want to be friends.
Say its nothing personal.
Hell, I even understand.
Not enough talking around each other.
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Destined for pain, destined for doom.
I sacrifice my comforts for that of others.
Hell aint a bad place to be, but this Hell is worse.
I hardly have a will to live.
...