A Conversation Between My Heart And My Mind Poem by K J

My blood turns ice cold
Thinking upon the past
Contemplating on what
You yourself have done
And even so accomplished

Why even up until this moment
I am conflicted about your person
Wondering why I still can forgive
While you seem to be absolved of the past
Yet I know it still lingers for the clashes
Seemed to have been brutal

Oddly enough I need to hear you
Although I do not know
If the next words you utter
Will be sincere
Or serpent's lies

For I think from experience
The track record between us isn't too good
If whatever self-pride you have left
Will allow you to be true to me
May bridge that gap and
Ease that confusion
That seems to rise within me

For I do not believe that you
Have anything else in that arsenal of yours
That could possibly destroy me once again
Not that it was deliberate I am sure
But nevertheless, was still as potent
Still that scarring, terrible impact
Which will forever leave a mark
On my being and self

How many times can I forgive?
And yet never forget
It pains me terribly to think upon it
Confuses me to wonder why
I cannot seem to just move on
Perhaps it was due to the fact
That you always entered as if
One was a blustering whirlwind
Then leave in dishonour and disgust
Not finishing things that were meant
To have been ended and forgotten

And so I sit here and wonder
If he will honestly and truly
Hurt me again
For it is thought that you are
Well spent and are ending the hurt
But never, will you show those
Signs to me, will you?
Only time will be my only provider
For the answers that I seek