A Dark Past. Poem by John Demon Jones

Some where done to me.
Some where done for me.
Most where done by me.
But all have helped me.
I am not proud of what I have done.
But I am far from ashamed of them.
I cannot say that I will never cut again.
But I cannot say that I will end my life yet.
I have been shunted to the edge of society.
Never to be acknowledged by those around me.
The time that I have spent alone has brought me a new sight.
A vision of darkness, death, and revenge.
I couldn't believe the ferocity of my new found power.
I had to let it out.
It had to be released into the night.
I would have torn apart myself to be rid of it.
But I have found a reason to continue my life.
I found a light at the end of this tunnel.
She knelt by my side in one of my darkest days.
She turned my life around for the better.
Though she does not yet know about my dark history.
She must soon learn the truth of her lover.
She is my angle in the dark.
My demon in the light.
I now share all my precious moments with her.
Cherish each second of peace.
I must tell her everything.
That I am a shadow of my formal self.
I am a shell, a wraith, and a shade.
I have a dark heart, soul, and mind.
I relish pain, love blood, seeing my flesh split before my blade.
Oh if only she knew my name.
I am shadow child.
I am demon teen.
I am the angle cast down to Hell.
But I am to tell her the truth.
I am the outlet of shadow in her life.
She must know that I am a scar on her face.
I am what the people see.
They notice the flaw, not the beauty.
I am the outcast of this social society.
You may one day see all of the outcasts.
One group in a vengeful mob.
The goth, the emo, and the anti socials that you have cast out.
We are one, we are many, we are strong.
You see us and run...
Good choice.

Is a razors edge the answer anymore?
Can I still hide behind the pain that I place upon myself?
I can't tell if I am angry or sad.
I was blind to the pain that I had lived through.
Until my christina took her life.
I then had no outlet to vent my feelings.
I bottled up all the hate and pain.
I tore myself apart in the time I was alone.
I made some terrible choices in that time.
Drugs, alcohol, cutting.
But in one of these instances, I met the angle of the night.
My beloved Amanda.
She took the pain like she took away my knives.
She showed me a better way of life.
I no longer embrace the darkness as I once did.
I now can turn toward the light.
I thank you, Amanda, for saving my life.
I love you forever and for always.