Treasure Island

angel of passion 016

(december 16th 1993 / strathroy)

a day i wont forget


this is the day i think were goin steady
i sure hope i am ready
sitting in my bedroom white dress and vale
soon ill be goin down that rail

flowers in my hand
out of the veihcle and on the ground i land
in front of the church i am
tears out my eyes all ram

of happiness they come
im excited some
i walk up those stairs
this man really cares

down the aisle
with a great big smile
the man of my dreams
this walk so long it seems

up on the steps i go
thay werent that low
my man saying his vows
the audience have wows

i then say my vows too
and everything id do
then you say i do
and i say i do too

then you lean me over and kiss me
now together we have a world to see
this was a day i won't forget
and the man i wont regret

Submitted: Wednesday, January 07, 2009

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Comments about this poem (a day i wont forget by angel of passion 016 )

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  • Shekhar Joshi (6/20/2009 2:28:00 PM)

    looks pretty good to me........the theme's good..........i guess sunshine is being too harsh...........
    i will advice you to check the spellings though..........coz u have quite a few spelling mistakes........and one more and important thing, i think you are forcing your poem to rhyme.....i will give you an example........

    ''of happiness they come
    im excited some'''

    here some looks all out of place and seems like u have forced it so as to rhyme with come.........remember poetry is not about rhyme always.........

    All in all a good poem.............. ;) (Report) Reply

Read all 2 comments »

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