angel of passion 016

(december 16th 1993 / strathroy)

a day i wont forget


this is the day i think were goin steady
i sure hope i am ready
sitting in my bedroom white dress and vale
........................
........................
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  • Shekhar Joshi (6/20/2009 2:28:00 PM)

    looks pretty good to me........the theme's good..........i guess sunshine is being too harsh...........
    i will advice you to check the spellings though..........coz u have quite a few spelling mistakes........and one more and important thing, i think you are forcing your poem to rhyme.....i will give you an example........

    ''of happiness they come
    im excited some'''

    here some looks all out of place and seems like u have forced it so as to rhyme with come.........remember poetry is not about rhyme always.........

    All in all a good poem.............. ;) (Report) Reply

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