A Desperate Cry For Self Preservation Poem by Chantelle Nixon

Why do I let this man
Take apart all I am
My heart that was once
So cold and hard
Is now overheated and soft
And for what?
Inconsideration, disrespect,
Impatience... and lies
He says with his words
That he loves me
But his actions don’t show that he cares
How can I love this man?
Why does all of me
Ache for all of him?
Many nights of never ending tears
Haunt my dreams
Pain I’ve never known
Has come from him unto us
Yet and still
My heart beats for him
My eyes cry for him
My lungs breathe for him
And I exist just to be near him
What a fool I am
To be so dedicated
To a man who does not feel the same
How can he feel the same?
He is joined to her
Never would he do a thing
To destroy her heart
Never would he risk
Embarrassing her so terribly
He wouldn’t dream of
Letting her down or go
So why me?
Why am I a slave to him?
Why are my emotions so tied up?
Why? How?
How did it get this far?
How long am I going to let him
Hurt me and belittle me
One moment I feel his love
And the next I feel so betrayed
This can only end in pain
So when am I going to get real?
When will I let go of this man?
This man who is quick to yell
And slow to yield
This man who lies and cheats
This man who makes me feel
Every emotion that I could ever feel
With a single, simple action or word
This man who holds such power over me
When will I come to my senses
And stop hindering myself
For someone who doesn’t deserve me?
He doesn’t deserve to have all of me
It isn’t fair
Always on my mind is him
Always in my heart is him
And look how he hurts me in return
My pain is my own fault
I let him come into my world
And it’s my own fault he won’t leave
I’ve spoiled him with the thought
Of getting my everything for nothing
How can I expect things now?
It’s hopeless to think he will give me
Understanding, sacrifice, trust,
Respect, loyalty, empathy
Yet he says he loves me
Oh, love...
A woman beater loves the woman he beats
But I say,
What woman needs such a painful love?
But I can’t leave
How do you say goodbye
To someone you hold in your arms everyday
Who you kiss with such passion
Someone who has opened themselves
In ways so amazing
He became my whole universe
In only a year’s time
How do you say goodbye to that?
You get sad
You get mad
Then get even? ? No
You find the strength to let it go
Dear, you have to let it go
For your sanity
And to save your soul
You must let HIM GO! !