A Dialogue Iii: A Man Is A Man Poem by Yoni Assis

Woman: Mark, do you love me?

Man: Define ‘love'

W: What do you think it means?

M: Oh, I know this. Love means never having to say you're sorry

W: Wait a second, didn't we just see 'Love Story' last week?

M: Bummer of an ending, no?

W: Yeah, it…hey, that's not the point! You took that line from the movie!

M: What, so I can't use it? I didn't know there were any rules

W: First of all, it's a ridiculous line. Second, even if it weren't, how do you explain never apologizing to me for anything before hearing it?

M: Maybe I instinctively knew it. Did you ever think about that?

W: I've always apologized to you when I've done something wrong!

M: Well, maybe you don't love me, then

W: How come you haven't committed to me yet? Explain that

M: Ah, babe, you know I'm kinda nervous about the whole committment thing after the hell I went through with my ex. You know these things take time

W: That was four years ago!

M: What is four years in the grand scheme of things?

W: Suddenly I'm dating an existentialist. Whatever. But you do love me, right?

M: Of course, you know I do

W: Do I? Name some things you love about me

M: Easy: your passion.

W: Really? Aw, that's sweet

M: Yup…I've never been with someone as passionate as you in bed

W: Wow, I should have seen that coming. Ok, so I'm good in bed. What else?

M: No one prepares a poker table like you do. The guys always marvel at the arrangement

W: Putting out the refreshments is an ‘arrangement? '

M: And a beautiful arrangment, at that. Oh, and you always make sure the house smells good. I really love that. What is it, Apple Spice Febreze?

W: So I'm basically a maid that sleeps with you, is that what you're saying?

M: Oh, boy, here we go again. Listen, if you weren't happy, you wouldn't be here, would you?

W: Je ne sais pas

M: Come again?

W: It's French for ‘I don't know'

M: Since when do you know French?

W: Since last year! You picked me up from classes, remember? !

M: I thought that was pottery. You sure it was French?

W: Am I sure? ! Your sister took pottery in camp…seven years ago!

M: Oh, that's right. She was good, too

W: Listen, I'm going to bed. If you can't find one good reason why I should stay with you by morning, I'm just packing my stuff and leaving


M: Ok, I understand. So, wait, does that mean no sex tonight?