A Distastrous Day Out Poem by VICTORIA GEORGE

On the beach in lovely Torbay
With wonderful clean nice fresh air
Just me, laptop and e-Bay
And a nice breeze blowing my hair

I stretched out on top of my towel
Then heard the most sickening plop
A seagull had committed a foul
Upon my faithful laptop!

The worst mess that I’d ever seen
All over the nice keyboard too
Tons of sh*t dumped down the screen
The whole thing was covered in poo!

I cleaned the screen with my towel
Making an even worse horrible mess
The air was quite blue and quite foul
Not ladylike - I have to confess!

Decided to go for a nice cooling swim
And splashed around for a while
I know this sounds so terribly dim
But I dried myself with my towel

I’d forgotten it was covered in poo
And dried my body and hair
It was only when I needed the loo
Found I was stuck fast - to my deck-chair!

The heat dried the guano, you see
And I know this sounds quite absurd
But I had to crawl to the sea
With the deckchair, to loosen the turd

The next time I go near the sea
I’m taking a selection of towels
A brolly, a mac and a big canopy
To safeguard myself from these fowls

copyright Victoria George