A Million Lines While You Were Sleeping........ Poem by Bryan Alexander

I cant free you from my mind
I cant let go of the noose
you tied so carefully around my neck
seeing you in my mind
over and over
is the nightmare
that haunts my waking dreams
and sleepless nights
I cant tell if I'm too scared to be alone
or if you truly are the counter part of my soul
the completion of ourselves
I found myself draped in you
covered by a solemn slumber
that wont let me wake up
why is it so
in letting me go
did you lose yourself?
do the miles and mountains
that separate us
save us from further damnation
or do they test our resolve
and ability to love
through war
famine
and a sun that chokes
the very life from me
when I cant see you behind it
I count the stars
to find the perfect one;
the perfect wish to bring you back to me
in your arms I have felt my greatest joy
and by your hand
I wear my deepest scars
when will I have paid enough
when will my sacrifice be complete
days without you
are days that i cant breathe
I suffocate in my love
i drown nightly
in the cold amber of your absence
god has made you for me
and i for you
but weather it was to torment me
for past deeds in lives
I don't remember living
or to make me earn
the loving hand that dug these scars into me
I don't know
I fear I never will
i wait for you
I always wait for you
to come back from the place
star crossed lovers go
I am useless to anyone but you
I am damaged and fractured
and the my heart burns red
with impatience
I have nothing more to give you;
though I would give you the world
I have one last breathe
that I hold for you
I am dizzy and weak
I am pathetic and twisted
in your arms I could lead a nation
without you
I struggle to put shoes on the right feet
If letting you go means happiness
then for the rest of my life
I will suffer
alone
so alone
trapped in a world that has taken you from me
I offer you these lines
I offer you this life
I am not wise
I do not know many things
I have done nothing
created nothing
but every night
in this prison of my mind
I paint for you
the life we should have shared
I write the tragedy
that I wouldn't trade for
perfection from another
If love is pain
then I love as only
those that have lost love can
If holding you was a dream
then go back
and never wake me up
as your hair fades to grey
I will love you
as the sun departs
dejected from our last night together
let me hold you
If you are my poisoned apple
I will eat freely
if you are my greatest torture
then beat me more
not because I love pain
but because I love you
every scar I wear
ties me to you
as everything else does
nothing could stop my love for you
not
the sun
the ocean
God or the devil in disguise
only you can put out the flame of my love
only you can burn my soul
my everything
I am without you


But
I am
Still
Here