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A Poem about Laterality

Why does the right hand get all the good jobs,
like greeting visiting dignitaries
(such a pleasure) ,
or blowing farewell kisses to the one you love
(such sweet sorrow) ,
or playing the melody while the left
has to oompah along in the bass?
Right-handers get the best adjectives too.
I mean, we’d all like to be
adroit (as the French have it) .
So why do we poor southpaws have to be
gauche or, while we’re about it, gawky?
Tactless, without grace, ungainly, awkward,
physically and socially inept, that’s us.
And Latin’s no better.
We’d like to be dextrous too.
What makes us
sinister? Was Dracula
left-handed, or something?

Even when we can hammer
or saw or paint or drive a screw
with either hand equally,
or cut the nails on both sets of fingers,
they only say we are ambi-
dextrous, which is a bit of a left-handed
compliment, treating the left
as if it were an honorary right,
as if it had no right
to be skilful
in its own right.

I suppose my left hand ought to be grateful
(in this respect) that I was not born
into a tradition where it is laid down
what each hand can do. It could have been
condemned to a lifetime
of bottom-wiping and not much else,
and becoming cack-
handed in more ways than one.

Submitted: Wednesday, April 22, 2009

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Comments about this poem (Death of a Queen by Paul Hansford )

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  • Sonya Florentino (7/14/2009 2:03:00 PM)

    LOL, indeed why is right right and left wrong? I for one am directionally challenged so I don't understand this whole thing...when I was a child I had to look at a mole on my left finger to confirm that that was my left!

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  • Jacqui Thewless (7/9/2009 4:55:00 AM)

    This was a lot of fun. Nice last 2 lines, too.

  • Lillian Thomas (6/29/2009 9:13:00 AM)

    very clever, high wit. I had never heard of cack-handed. but I found it, we never use it here. I'm left handed too, btw, and it definitely has its disadvantages, lol

  • Chitra - (5/3/2009 4:40:00 AM)

    a poem of such high creative acumen goes to show that you have the upper hand
    enjoyable read

  • Sathyanarayana M V S (4/29/2009 9:18:00 PM)

    High quality poetry with good word usage, some humour and a lot to learn.

  • Susan Jarvis (4/22/2009 3:00:00 PM)

    Literary, informative and highly amusing. S :)

  • Is It Poetry (4/22/2009 1:48:00 PM)

    Being lefty allowed you superior writing and math skills.amongst only a few of the many gifts I am sure it is that you have..This was of course a good poncho as well as

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