Sonya Florentino

Rookie (Manila, Philippines (residing NYC))

# # A Sudden Turn (with Haiku version - my very first!)

A SUDDEN TURN (original version)

a fish darts forward

as water lilies re-arrange in the water

centered, in the moment

til it once again flits by

or a bird swoops down as suddenly

from the sky

© 2009 Sonya Florentino

A SUDDEN TURN (Haiku version)

a fish darts forward

water lilies re-arrange

space in the water

moment unbroken

til fish again flits by, or

bird swoops down from high

© 2009 Sonya Florentino

Submitted: Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Edited: Monday, September 21, 2009

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Comments about this poem (# # A Sudden Turn (with Haiku version - my very first!) by Sonya Florentino )

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  • Rookie - 1 Points Original Unknown Girl (9/7/2009 4:49:00 AM)

    I like both of these versions Sonya - its the creativity of the movement and the imagery is gorgeous. Very pretty poems, both of them! HG: -) xx (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 244 Points Ency Bearis (9/5/2009 7:59:00 AM)

    you got it right in the second version for the 5 - 7- 5 syllables of required Haiku and its meaningful...a lovely haiku..... (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Jasmin Whyte (9/2/2009 4:41:00 AM)

    'a fish darts forward

    water lilies re-arrange'

    .....................................and a complete scene came out from memory guided by these two short exquisite lines (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 0 Points nomad omnia (8/31/2009 6:02:00 PM)

    Great work, Sonya, they both paint a perfect moving picture of the moment. I love the image of the swooping bird... Amazing to see how how the arrangement can affect the mood...I will refer back to this as a lesson in art: -) N (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 0 Points Naseer Ahmed Nasir (8/30/2009 10:31:00 PM)

    The haiku version is great. Perfectly fits in the definition of a haiku. Imagery is wonderful, very delicate silently conveying the deep and hidden meanings the uniqueness of a haiku. Keep writing haiku, Sonya.........10.
    Best Wishes

    Naseer (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Lillian Thomas (8/29/2009 6:47:00 AM)

    I like the haiku version slightly better, it gives me a little work t do, Doesn't interpret it for me. But both are beautiful poems. the first more imagist, the haiku not only fits the syllable count of the form, but captures the moment with fresh imagery of nature, the season is intimated as summer and for all I know water lilies is a kigo or season word for summer anyway. And most importantly it resonates with deeper meaning. my favorite lines are:
    'water lilies re-arrange

    space in the water' (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Alison Cassidy (8/27/2009 6:22:00 PM)

    Sonya, I have to say I prefer your Haiku version. It is more eloquent and leaves the reader more space to 'see' your image. What a stunning image, by the way! And so interesting to watch the gestation of a poem. love, Allie ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ (Report) Reply

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