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Ace Of Black Hearts

(04/17/1984 / Homa Lousiana)

Abandoned Shadows

A cold dark place to acquaint myself with.
Misery is a pot of stew with many cooks.
Each with a recipe all its own.
Contrived by a cause and effect.
How is it so many hearts reject it?
Born out of a fountain of purity.
What is the price for our pestilence and neglect?
Fortunate is the person who can forget all their past memories.
My body for the fire and ice.
A soul wanting redemption unrelenting.
Tell me now can you hear its echos?
The unending pain.
The reminder each and every day.
A wish upon the dreamers dream.
Reaching out, doing what feels right.
No matter the personal cost.
No matter the pride that has to be swallowed.
Saving face from whom?
A victim of a cruel ego.
Knowing you caused that.
Knowing that there is no going back.
A child in tears on the inside.
On the outside a man pretending to be numb to it all.
How could I?
Sometimes speaking your mind is truly unkind.
Feeling like a parasite on the outside still looking for a way in.
Seeking to heal wounds so deep and so old.
Scar tissue of someone who is truly broken.
Trying to rebuild the confidence.
If only so slowly.
I will never forget.
Demons layed upon my feet.
I never asked for them.
What could I do?
Callous claws across my skin.
One by one the nails were drove in.
A crucifixion.
Placed upon the cross I built.
Yes the carpenter, the manipulator.
Yes there is blood on my hands.
I've washed and washed but still it won't come off.
The weapon of using the perfect words.
A cure to ailment that never existed at all.
All in my head, these head games were played over and over again.
I took his queen.
In ways unseen.
Blinders cleaned.
Eyes opened and the prize was redeemed.
Bitterness the taste I'll never forget and I will always regret.
It wasn't right on any level.
I didn't just cross a line.
I lit it on fire and gave him the ashes of the bodies I left behind.
Now I must just completely let go.
And stop looking through this very hollow window.
For it only makes me a living shadow.

Submitted: Thursday, October 03, 2013
Edited: Thursday, October 03, 2013

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