Albert Potter Is Not Dead! Poem by Bill Mitton

Albert Potter isn't dead
It were just a bloody lie
In fact, apart from athlete's foot
he's as fit as you or I
but someone’s got it in for him
they told the papers he were gone
that he’d popped his clogs
turned up his toes
that his soul had “travelled on”
EE! This fairly vexed old Albert
By Gum he did get mad
It’s not as If I’m old he said
Well …..I’m younger than my dad
But people keep on telling him
“Aye up Lad, thou art dead,
it’s in yon paper in big print
you died peacefully in bed.”
They keep bringing wreaths and sentiments
And knocking on the door
But then of course he answers it
And confusion reigns once more.
If it’s a joke, It ain’t that funny
In fact it’s pretty sick
Oh Albert plays the whole thing down
But it’s getting on his wick
So he phoned the local paper
And said can you print that I’m not dead
And whilst I like the flowers and sympathy
Could folk bring me beer instead.