Am I Free? Poem by Tina MacAdam

no details
no anything
no, thats not true
i have something
but its not something i want
i didnt want it then
i still dont want it now
but its what i was given
a gift
a token
something
no those words are wrong
a token or gift, is something given, usually out of love, or something to that effect
this is not
this came from something else
from anger
hatred
an compulsion
a desire
a need
a want
but not by anything close to love
but
i get to keep it forever now
i cannot give it away
i doubt i will forget
hell
i can still hear, see, feel, smell, everything
thats what i get for being me
for being forgiving
compassionate
hopeful
kind
me
blind to true intentions
regretfully
there is a cost
and now that i have paid
i hope it means im free
not free for the taking
just free of a debt
it was collected
i paid it
i want to be done