An Ability To Smile Poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar

I am not the cause or reason,
For anyone's kept dysfunctions.
And I use to lose sleep,
Thinking I was responsible...
For others having lack of clarity.
Being aware and conscious of it,
Can be a lonesome task to master.
I stopped asking anyone to admit,
If they chose to ignore...
What was obvious to witness,
Just to protect their own happiness.
Since too many I had heard complaining,
About others who prevented them...
From experiencing to have this to live.

Some days I awaken,
To think I am the one left crazed.
With steps to take not wiping away,
Tears wept because my expectations...
Weren't on my shoulders to burden with regrets.
I had learned too early to stand tall and erect.
Regardless of opposition and obstacles I met.
Leaving me to sweat through each and every test.
And doing this listening to hear others say,
How blessed I was to be 'lucky'.
Not determined to have earned,
From any lessons learned.
But 'lucky'?
Hmph!

I have found with it to find,
Many do not mind making their attempts...
To share their feelings of grief and guilt.
With a belief a doing of this releases them,
From yesterday's sorrows whether borrowed or not.
And they are again freed to repeat their dilemmas.
That get more and not less theatrical.
'Chile...if you only knew what I was going through.
Some of us have a heavier cross to bear.'

And I know there is a God.
Because from these acts I leave,
Before the intermission begins.
There are demons who will masquerade,
No matter where or when.
Or the nature of the event.

As for me?
Well...
Yesterday's to relive for the convenience to repeat,
I have already done to do to mend from a healing...
From aches and all kinds of pains to name.
And leftover emotional mental drain to cause anguish.
I know God has blessed me to keep faith trusted.
With it known to chill those moments,
I feel inside that monster I recognize but suppress.
With an ability to smile and not address,
What it is I would love to express to others.
To careless if their screams freezes them in fear.

No one who lives,
With wishes to conquer over personal defeats...
Left by demons costumed from head to feet,
Does it to succeed with 'luck'.
Or beliefs like this to keep fantasized.

Eyes to open wide,
Are difficult to remain that way.
Especially if the impossible,
One who is determine to prove...
Isn't.
Wishes and dreams to have them seen succeed,
No matter what the opposition.
Will take someone near death,
To have them leap away from it to do it quick.
I have noticed this to keep it remembered,
Faith to keep terrorizes nonbelievers.
And horrifies those of evil and wicked deeds.