An Abyss Poem by Vinaya Joseph

All by myself,
I kept thinking,
Who is there for me?
The long wait
For that someone,
To share my life with,
Who will be besides me,
Till I breathe my last…
Hand in hand,
To explore the wonders of life
But as always,
Love was elusive,
For me

Many of my friends
Found their soul mate,
But I didn’t
Many a times,
I have questioned myself
Is it me?
Where did I go wrong?
So many times,
I questioned God,

God, what kind of test is this?
What kind of game are you playing with me?
What lessons are you trying to teach me?
I really don’t understand…

My eyes welled up,
Even while I was writing this,
But then, for a moment, I forgot
You are blind and deaf,
A prejudiced God,
Some you favor,
While others you don’t
Some you give,
While others you don’t
Why do you discriminate?
Must not you be fair and just?
What criterion do you follow?
In making your judgments…

How undue?
Justice seems to be an illusion,
In this world of yours…

Millions pray to you for strength,
They say to have faith in you,
How do I have faith?
When you can’t sense my pain?
That I am going through…
And I understand,
That I am in queue’
Millions before me,
Millions after me…

And it is sad that you are taking me
To a point where you want me to break down,
Fall at your feet
And beg for peace and happiness,
In these hours of darkness…

What kind of father are you?
Who wants his daughter to cry?
To fall at his feet for mercy,
‘Our father, in heaven,
Holy be your name,
Your kingdom come,
Your will be done…
Forgive us sinners’
That’s what you taught us trillions
To say, each day
In our prayers…

And I am no sinner,
Why make me one,
I just felt that you are
Plain selfish…
I am not ending these lines,
As my thoughts
Are like a bottomless abyss
That ceases to end…