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User Rating:
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6.3
/10
(26 votes)
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I see a pallid light from your room.
Are you awake? Are you alone?
Our love may no longer be in bloom
When I see a pallid light from your room
And questions like these begin to loom:
Is someone with you? Should I phone?
I see a pallid light from your room.
Are you awake? Are you alone?
Lillian Susan Thomas
| Submitted Date |
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Monday, August 10, 2009 |
| Submitted Date |
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Saturday, September 05, 2009 |
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Comments about this poem (*Another Triolet Attempt
by
Lillian Susan Thomas
) |
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JOHN KNIGHT (3/13/2010 11:37:00 AM)
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Hi Lillian - It is nice to find PH members tackling classical forms like the TRIOLET. This is not an easy form because you only get eight lines to get your message across. In essence I agree with Sue's objective critique. You have added the word WHEN in line FOUR to facilitate meaning and I guess I can forgive that, although in my opinion it is not really necessary and hinders the flow for recitation (try it with and without) . This form is normally used for a LIGHT topic - your is a little more sinister. The rhymes are full and excellent - preserving the classical Triolet pattern A B a A a b A B. Well done thanks for sharing and the humility of you title! ! ! . Love in Poetry - JOHN.
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Ray Schreiber (10/20/2009 11:46:00 PM)
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I love this. I've read it over and over. It's the last poem I'll read tonight, well done.
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Shashendra Amalshan (8/14/2009 6:27:00 AM)
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Hey this is cool..
nice rhymes too... this is short but in most ways an amusing and enjoyable piece...
good! ! !
love
shah
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Susan Jarvis (8/11/2009 8:37:00 AM)
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The form of the triolet really suits the subject matter of this poem. The round of questions and repetition give a vivid insight into the churning mind of the troubled lover. An excellent choice of rhyming words: room/bloom/loom - it evokes the feeling of impending doom. S :)
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