Apologies Poem by Ms Thang

I know sometimes I make things hard.
Because part of me is still broken and scarred.
Hon I know that sometimes my tongue is sharp
And I know sometimes I make it hard.
There’s a part of me filled with pain
Hidden deep in a world consumed with rain
The rain drops roll down my face disguised as tears.
As you witness the pain I’ve felt through the years.
There’s a part of me that hasn’t let go
Of the fear and pain I seem to know.
This fear appears when I get scared you’ll leave.
And it surfaces when I find it hard to believe.
That you really do love me the way you say you do
Or when I try to accept that what you say is true
That you’ll never hurt me you won’t leave or desert me
That you’ll love, protect, respect and reassure me
Then I go through it all over again
As I express these fears I try to pretend
Like I don’t feel them or like they don’t exist
As I fight the feeling and try to resist
I push them down deep and try to get by
Try not to be weak and try not to cry.
I’ve faced a world of rain and you’re my sunshine
I know that my pain makes it hard sometimes.
My fears cause me to act like a jerk
And you feel unappreciated after all your hard work.
It’s hard to express what I really feel
Because I’m scared it’ll be too real
You’ll get tired of seeing me cry
You’ll throw up your hands and let out a sigh
Sayin, “I quit! That’s enough! I’m done! ”
You’ll throw me the deuce and say “Holla! One! ”
So please know I’m not trying to hurt you.
With some of the things I say and do
Sometime I just get scared or overwhelmed
And sometimes I frustrate myself.
I want to be a good wife and mom, too
Sometimes I just get frustrated when I can’t do
All the things I know you guys deserve.
When I’m consumed with pain and hurt,
I know you do your best to understand.
But I know that you’re only human.
It does get irritating and it does get old.
I understand everything you way and what I’ve been told.
So, while I continue to work through my pain
I’ll let go of the hurts that somehow remains.
I love you and I thank you for everything you do.
Trust me, hon, I want to be done with this, too.