Are U There? Poem by Angelica Arancibia

I would hope alcohol to be on my side,
and let me spiral down in a numbness
where my heart beats loose up,
the out world loss gravity,
and fears are not monsters but yet goblins
of fairy tales.

Funny head, everything lacks gravity,
something floats out of me
something sink deeper down

I hope my brain to be more sensitive...
one pill is not enough,
one drop of alcohol only turns into nausea.
There was a time when I could drink and forget, and half a pill
would had erased the pain.

I close my eyes to find myself again
and track back my breath till my entrails.
I close the windows of my soul through which
phantoms sneak around, and their gossips
prompt my heart to race.
You are alone! no! , never alone!
my gate goes like trying to avoid overstepping others feet.
are those your feet?
And you look around as if had missed a mitten,
tell me please, that such conspiration is just my delusion.

I am still real, are you?