Are You There? Poem by Cassie Bong

I close my eyes,
Trying so hard to find you,
They say You're there,
But...
Why hasn't I notice You anywhere?

The grieve, the pain, all the heart breaks and turmoil,
Miserable to the last reach,
Where are You?
I search high and low,
I search from morning lights to the darkest night,
Still....
There's no sign of You,

Desperately, I questions myself again and again,
Too many times, I could not recall,
Are You really there?
If You are there, why do you leave me helpless?
You let me stumbles and fall,
Each fall are harder than before,
Are You there just looking?

For all the blames I burst out,
The rage that I poured,
I realize my faith had long disappeared!
I am just as empty as a dead tunnel,
So hollow, almost invisible,

For I was fool enough,
To search so far and trying too hard,
Condemning and only cursing for all the bad that comes,
Never try to seek for purity and all the sacred,

Thus,
I forgot that You are just here,
So near..
You live right in my heart,
But my shallow faith and foolishness blinded me..

Blindfolded by my human nature,
Only to blame when I didn't get what I yearn for,
Either big or small, always surrounded by greed,
And learn to point fingers around,
But not admitting own mistakes,

Now I know..
You are always around watching over me,
But I never care enough over the years,
Ignoring all the bliss, never cherish..
You speak, care and love me in a way I never learn to understand,
For I never try to understand,

Forgive me, is all I ask from You,
For I know that I failed to reach you,
Your love is unconditional,
I will from now on learn to pronounce You more,

Believe and have faith is all You want from me,
You have the journey of my life planned ahead,
Forgive my negligence,

I sow the new seeds of faith, love, hope and peace..
Inside of me and I know, You really care..
You are there and You are found...