Art Therapy Mirror Reflection/ Inner-Self Monologue Poem by Gregory (gshaw57) Upshaw

Part I (Revelation)

This is what I see-
I see myself through you-
I do not like what I see-
For I see confusion, despair, hopelessness, and frustration-
For that is what I view from within-
Gerald, Barnes, Cynthia and you Chuck-
I know that your convictions are free of restrictions-
You see a strong, honorable and intelligent individual-
Not Black, White or Yellow but an individual-
However, my-self’s spirit is stricken by tragedies, pain, and sorrow-
My life is full of turbulence and horror-
I have witnessed death up close-
As a guardian, a protector, I fail to protect an innocence-
She was thirteen and innocent,
And
I was not there!

Part II (Child’s memory)

When I was a child, approaching thirteen, my life was ripped away suddenly-
I felt tease and torture by my mother’s death-
She was only ‘35’
She was here and then was gone-
I felt robbed, my heart stolen, ripped away violently-
Hatred, bitterness-
Hell! The world was my damn enemy-
As the oldest of four, my vivid images of my child-hood indicated
Turmoil
My brother, my sisters, seem to be spared the mental illusion of a strong extended family-
For the family, I knew died fatally with my mother’s death-
It became us against the world!
A philosophy that kept me sane, I think-
My brother the representation of a gentleman’s quarterly-
And
I, the representation of the (ugly) duckling-
My sisters were beautiful black Queens-
So to view myself, as intelligent, strong, and honorable-
I cannot see what is beyond the vividness of my wilderness-
The trees, the shrubbery, the overcast shadows of despair-
Filter between the grayness clouds and the darkness skies above-
I am alone! Truly alone!
Yet when I view my reflection through the mirror-
There is hope, a small scope of hope!
But
Hope none-the-less-
Hope that I must cling on to-
And
With that ray of hope-
I can view a microscopic glimpse of light-
Light that shines through a long but narrow tunnel—

Part III (Revelation reveal)

Tunnel of light has been reveal to me-
I understand the truth, or at least the beginning of the truth-
Had the truth been concealed and hidden on a shelf-
That shelf which had lain dormant within this shell of a body-
Am I the barriers that forbids my progression of life-
Am I the walls that forbids my mind’s wealth to expand and grow-
Can it be that easy, that I have truly lost my way—?
For my hindrance is myself-
I think I know that now-
My torture have been within me-
My enemy is myself-
Know! It cannot be-
And
I will not give in to such a lie-
But yet, my friends, my loved ones, my reflection of myself-
Reveals something different-
Damn! Tried as I might, I am utterly trapped-
Trapped within my inner-self-
By depression
By pain
By tormented demons
I understand now what lies within-
It is my inner-self, my demon-
That I must fight in order to free my soul and “My Dignity”
Maybe, I might find my serenity, my peace of mind-
ONE DAY SOON—

Written by Gregory Upshaw (gshaw57)