Awaiting Fear (A Response Poem) Poem by Asmai Fathelbab

Awaiting Fear
By Asmai Fathelbab


Why can’t everything be what it is?
There is always an ulterior motive to everything you say and think.
This soul is tired of looking for truth when lies are all that are accepted.
I want love, but fear it.
I want someone to look at me as if he’d seen no other.
Yet I fear the idea of being looked at.
It’s as if I’d wither and die if you ever saw me.
I feel so much, but no one feels a thing.
It’s all lies.
Where is the one I await to finish off who I am?
There is so much that can be done, yet to run is safer than to wait for you.
Where is my Knight in shinning armor!
Where is this sword of his that would pierce my soul with?
Where is the one who would watch as I bleed and do nothing more?
The war within causes my life to spring out in secrecy,
In fear of those who may discover it.
The death around the princess leaves everyone begging for more.
The bloodshed of ecstasy and the muffled cries of it all,
Drives her mad as she realizes she has caged herself in to escape drowning her feet in the plasma river.
Can they all be right in the bloodshed?
Can she be the one that is wrong in caging herself inward with fear?
But what is fear but a mere emotion that we give an obscure name to for importance?
Tears stream down her face in wonderment of her exile.
If this is the right thing to do, then why is she alone?
Stuck with nothing but her thoughts, and emotional seclusion.
The blood drew nearer to her toes.
If this is encouragement to do what is felt to be right, then why does everything feel so wrong?
The princess listens in fear as she hears her Knight approach her castle.
The saving of her will be the death of her, but the exile of her will also lead to her to drown in the blood of others.
She can see his sword within her mind going right through her,
Leaving her amidst the blood soaked tapestry with her hands holding on to the bars before her,
Leaving her with a gaping whole in the middle of her as she felt a shiver down her spin from the mere touch of the coldness of the blade.
She felt her blood drip down her white dress as she felt the Knight’s eyes fall upon her once more.
She looked to him in fear, shock as to what he had done.
The pain was unbearable that she fell to her knees.
To scream now would make no difference because the deed was done.
Tears could not be released at the thought of all of this happening as the princess feared the Knight finding her within the dark castle.
The politics of love and sex is a dribble within the sands of who we are.
To close your eyes and imagine the sight of someone before you smothering you with love is death defying.
Once again the politics of love and sex, is to kill and be killed.
But is there re-birth?
And re-birth into what?
To feel nothing and yet not be wounded by the Knight,
Which is worse?
To want someone to hold them and never let go,
Yet to fear and shiver at the thought of being touched,
Is the caged princess right?
Shall fearing the bloodshed lead to the death of nothingness?
Or shall the sword of the Knight lead to the birth of pain?
The fear is consuming.
The love is non-existent.
The Knight is nowhere to be found, it is feared by every fiber of her being.
Where does the caged princess fall?
Or will she be doomed to eternal slumber from being around so much blood and before the Knight may smite her?