Bad For The Soul Poem by Evy Moore
Bad For The Soul
Your lies cut my heart like a blade cuts the skin
For the sins you have committed you can't reopen
Your touch scorched my skin like the sun scorches the earth
I hate you please die and choke for all it's worth
Your love twisted my emotions like the wind twists the leaves
Inside my broken heart the darkness slowly bleeds
Your kisses were like venom slowly poisoning me inside
My fragile heart burned and cried as my love for you slowly died
so now you've left a hole in me for where it surly hurts
But now it's full of pain and anguish for where a demon surly lurks
Evy, You've demonstrated hate very well. I like the first line, it grabs attention. Well done. This is the first poem of yours that I've read...let's see if you can demonstrate other emotions as well.... Hugs, Dee
Good poem Evy, but I have to ask who is it that you hate so much that you wrote this?
I think this is haughting...it stirred me to read it....remember these thoughts ARE bad for the soul.....best wishes....Vallerie
this poem is strong in vocabulary. I'm trying extemely hard to say what i want to say and make it mean the meaning i have in mind, so bare with me. This poem, although filled with a strong mood of hatred (obviously) would be improved if you focussed on using different sentence techniques. It would make it so much more interesting, if in, let's say, every third, double line you use a simple sentence with a phrase. The 1st third line could have a prepositional phrase at the begining of the sentence. The 2nd third line could have an appositive phrase (but still use the same sentence as the 1st) For example: (1st third line) Like a tuneless trumpet, your essence makes me cringe. (2nd third line) Your essence, a tuneless trumpet, makes me cringe. I know you can come up with something extremely better than that, but it was just a structure example. Another thing i've noticed (and see for your self if you feel the same way) is that it's easier to read a poem, and understand it, if it's chunked and spaced out. Example: 1st line 2nd line 3rd line 4th line 5th line 6th line i don't know, maybe it's just me, but try it out for your self. See which you can read better.
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
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4/23/2024 8:22:14 PM # 1.0.0.1119
This poem goes off ay... i thought i knew how to write until i read yours 'Your love twisted my emotions like the wind twists the leaves inside my broken heart the darkness slowly bleeds' 'So now you've left a hole in me for where it surely hurts But now it's full of pain and anguish for where a demon surely lurks' These are some fascinating lines i thought were very vivid with outstanding imagery I think we all do things that are bad for the soul...