Sara Bergamini

Rookie (Italy, Forli)

Blood In The Rain - Poem by Sara Bergamini

She walks right past him
And she doesn't see
He doesn't like her
He's in love with me

I see her crying on the street
When I see her I get a chill
She cuts her veins in the rain
The blood drips on the street
And gets taken away by the rain stream

The blood falls at the rate of her heart beat
It's too late they've already taken her away
She will be remembered but her soul has already passed away

She was lost in love
But I guess for him it wasn't enough
Because he loved me
He didn't love her back
Because of me she left

Comments about Blood In The Rain by Sara Bergamini

  • (9/11/2011 9:37:00 AM)

    Thanks to you=))) (Report) Reply

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  • (9/11/2011 9:22:00 AM)

    Wow, much better, now I can really say this is truly amazing. It's all golden here. (Report) Reply

  • (9/10/2011 9:35:00 AM)

    There are a lot of grammar mistakes in this, but looking past that, I really enjoy this poem. Beautiful writing, your second stanza as particularly striking, great job. (Report) Reply

  • (9/10/2011 8:02:00 AM)

    Thanks for correcting me I'm only 13 so I'm not that good at poems... I will correct it as soon as I have time (Report) Reply

  • (9/10/2011 7:56:00 AM)

    She cuts veins in the rain, This implies that she cuts veins in the rain; some other veins, not necessarly hers. You could have said her cut veins...; or she cut her veins in....

    Another thing that is not clear is this one: It to late. I think you meant to write that it was too late.

    Fix these two things and the diciton of some of the lines and you will have a much better poem. Right now, it is very bad written.
    (Report) Reply

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Poem Submitted: Saturday, September 10, 2011

Poem Edited: Saturday, September 10, 2011

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