Russell Nero

(May 25th,1995)

Chameleon Colors


Disappointment, the supreme king
has appointed his prince
the downfall of deception, never present
For a moment, life seemed to be an epic in an amazing poem
a stone floating upon a sea of feathers
transformed into a feather brought quickly down by stones
How distasteful
how many moons must disaster travel and commence
Luck was thought to have changed
but why should I even bother to contest
Why should I even bother to storm the doors of happiness
plead for its ridiculous consent
Why should I even bother to search for love
a desperate attempt to barricade myself in flowers and paper hearts
cradled with a gemstone manifested into a human being
A screw-up, a jester, an idiot
flat out simple, I'm just a desperate idiot
How could I be so cold
reduce myself to the level of dogs
demand and expect an unattainable substance from the very person
I know I'll never obtain
I've always been second best, nothing less than last
There's really no point in trying
but I'm to prove I'm worth something
something to them, to her, to me
yet I've only proven to be nothing, no one
My word, my promises mean everything
my respect for women, unreasonably high
treating them humanly instead of tiny breakable play things
It's been my code of honor, my life
and sadistically in two days
I've melted it all in a pot of boiling water
I just want to punch a hole in water and drown in my failure
This isn't some ploy for attention
I'm so sick, sick of this
this mindless behavior, my idiotic way of speaking
It would be better if I were dead, if I were mute
She's worth the entire world
at least in my thoughts
and in response, I treated her like she was anything but human
I crave for everything to be perfect
a recreation of previous perfect setting
but my mind turns to static
forces my lips to part and mimic the frequency
the annoying frequency buzzing like flies behind my eyes
I'm sorry, I can't repeat it enough
I'm sorry, I'm sorry
the problem with me, I don't know
Invincible, no, never again
Invisible forever, forever it shall remain
It's what I deserve, it's what I've always been
Why should I change my chameleon colors now
Why should I, why should I...
to play the pretend hero...
when I'm only the rogue
not a villain nor the hero...
just a lost zero...

Submitted: Tuesday, September 03, 2013
Edited: Wednesday, September 04, 2013

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