Violet Winters

Rookie - 71 Points (September 13 / Baltimore, MD)

Change the Channel


I think you're easier to love
from a distance.
The dynamic of us
is peculiar enough
that apart we're in love,
and together
nothing more than
a good lay for each other
with nothing to say.
And I'm not even sure
if that's true,
because you
can be so nonchalant
when I'm naked and wet
and writhing and want
nothing more than you pressed
entirely against
me in your bed.
Am I
not sexy?
too heavy?
not chesty enough
for you
to want?
Would I be better blond?
With a boob job?
No gut?
I'm sorry, I'm just
the same me
I always was.
I am still
that girl
that you swore the whole world
must have revolved around;
enough that you found
yourself picking me up
and sitting me gently
in the back of your truck.
There was a time
when you wanted me;
wasted
whole days on me
now I'm lucky if you can bother
to try and stay awake for me.
I appealed to you more
when I didn't give a damn.
When you were just a boy
and I had no plans
of making you more
than a quick one night stand.
But you pushed me to want you
and I stopped resisting
and now we're just sitting
and spinning
our wheels.
As far as committing,
it's gonna be years
before I can trust
that 'Us'
isn't just
a switch; on then off.
I always look forward to
being with you;
I want to talk, and yes,
we talk everyday
but there's much more to say
when we're face to face.
I feel the rush of your breath
as it's leaving your lungs
as each word that leaves you,
leaves me
hanging on.
But you
you are different;
you're quite content
to stare at a program
in silence, on TV,
knowing you're with me
for a few hours more
and soon I won't be
in your bed anymore.
It doesn't phase you;
I can't change you
I can only ask for
your attention
your affection
so many times before
I regret the leg cramps
and the price at the gas pumps
and the driving I once,
didn't mind quite so much;
the long hours to just
feel your lips as they crush
against mine;
it was worth it
but anymore,
it seems pointless.
because I,
I too much
love too much
want too much
touch too much
kiss too much
wish too much
that you'd be that boy
that made me
fall in love
The one that didn't want
anything
but 'Us'.
This isn't about
you moving here
this is about when I'm near
you acting like you care
and like you
want me there.
That you appreciate
that I dedicate
whole weekends to you
knowing I have
more important things to do
than lay in your bed and watch you
relax.
I have, until now
tolerated, rather well
your attitude about
our relationship and how
to you it'll just happen.
So what happens
if I adopt
your stupid outlook?
If I stop putting in
one-hundred-ten percent?
If I give up,
like you do,
on us,
what happens
when no one is steering the car?
You're smart enough, Shug,
to know it doesn't go far.
I've left men for less
(ask my ex!)
but don't misunderstand,
this isn't a test;
I've no intention
of demanding your attention
or threatening to end this,
but I'm not holding my breath
waiting for you to
decide to put effort forth
and be that boy that I met.
I thought he was fun
and cuddly
and loving;
and romantic and shy
and content to let me lie
down on his arm
'til it was tingling and numb;
and he never
tore his eyes
away from mine.
He hung on my words
and acted like I was worth
his time and attention,
his unending affection.
He gave me all the kisses
that for years I was missing
and now I feel like he's slipping
away into contentment.
Well,
I want that boy back;
he made me feel special,
not just during commercials.

Submitted: Thursday, July 31, 2014
Edited: Friday, August 01, 2014

Topic of this poem: love


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