Christmas Not For Me Poem by BrandiNicole Colbath

It's the time for joy and giving
but what i want most is not told
for no one can fulfill my christmas wish
but only my father
he has no desire to even see me
and my wish is not tangible
for all i want for christmas
is the love and warmth from his heart

I know that i could ask him
with the thought of being laughed at
i don't know what hurts more
asking or being told no
for there is a fear for both
and the fear is rather strong
because i know that even if i did ask
the answer would be no

my mother wonders why i don't like christmas
and i would be ashamed to tell her
because to her, i have everything
and it would hurt her so much to know
that what i desire most she can not give me
because if it could she would have it for me
she would do anything for me
if only that could be enough
why could i not be satisfyed by her love alone?
if only i could give up on something that will never be
for all i want for christmas is to be left alone if i can not have what i really want...