Fay Slimm

Rookie - 12 Points (Ageless. / in Cornwall U.K.)

Cloudburst.


Shouldering one against the other
Mushrooms of clouds fail to discover
That boisterous behaviour ends in clash
Erupts in sleet that stings in passing.

In file they approach this winter's day
And slide into close tight band of gray.
Skudding huge bulk over wind-chased blue
Cloud patterns split the sky's mood in two.

Tomorrow may choose to unskirt this storm,
But for now hailstorm javelins must be borne.

Submitted: Saturday, December 26, 2009
Edited: Sunday, July 31, 2011

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Comments about this poem (Cloudburst. by Fay Slimm )

  • Rookie Fred Babbin (1/3/2010 9:23:00 AM)

    Good poem, well done. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Alison Cassidy (12/27/2009 6:21:00 PM)

    I am honored that you saw fit to change your words just because I found them confusing. Bless you. Love, Allie ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 12 Points Fay Slimm (12/27/2009 4:25:00 AM)

    Ah - - as way of apology for using too much poetic licence Allie, I have now adjusted the final line to make more sense to faraway summery friends like you - - - - - thanks for pointing out the obscurity - - love and hugs from Fay, (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Alison Cassidy (12/26/2009 11:33:00 PM)

    I particularly enjoyed your 'shouldering' and the 'mushrooms' of clouds - great metaphors and the way you have personalized these wonder's of the natural world as if they were players in an epic drama or even a football match. Your final couplet confuses though. I've never heard of 'hailey javelins'? Not that it matters. The poem works a treat. Love, Allie ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Carol Gall (12/26/2009 10:11:00 AM)

    lovely fay clouds are fascinating you bring them to life 10 (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Tsira Goge (12/26/2009 8:21:00 AM)

    Tomorrow may choose to unskirt this storm,
    But for now hailey javelins must be borne.
    .................................................

    Good, Hope now all, Fay. 10...
    Tsira (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Stephen Stirk (12/26/2009 5:56:00 AM)

    Great Poem. Christmas Weather Bah Humbug!
    Regards
    Steve (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 26 Points Joseph Poewhit (12/26/2009 5:53:00 AM)

    GODS feet walk in the clouds (Report) Reply

Read all 8 comments »

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