Committing Suicide Is A Fad Poem by Amrit Rathi
Committing Suicide Is A Fad
We have met the enemy, and they are us.
—Walt Kelley, Pogo
†
In major national newspapers
very soon, you will see my ad:
thanks to years of research
and cutting-edge technology
a wonderful product, I’ve made,
for committing suicide.
And I say
“Committing suicide is a fad.”
I’m Dr. Bulggard.
My idea’s going to shake the world.
Since many people seem to commit suicide
of one sort or another, I thought,
there must be a big demand out there.
So I commissioned a marketing survey
and the stats we got were astounding;
nothing fell within the gray.
And all companies in this business
had only but one thing in common:
ever-rising growth!
Cigarettes, junk food, or the like,
that makes them each multibillionaires.
I say my product compares,
at anytime is better than theirs!
I wonder in this rapid age of technology,
we do everything faster,
why then does suicide remain so neglected?
In the matter of efficiency and fastness,
it seems sheer carelessness!
Let’s examine the inefficient ways
of committing suicide we see at present.
People smoke,
and know they may get cancer.
They take drugs
and know they may end up worse than dead.
They eat junk food
and know they may have a heart attack.
They don’t walk or exercise
although they’re forty pounds overweight.
Just keep counting…
What is the use of slow death?
Here is my product
with a new way to embrace death!
It looks like the world too is mad
bent on a collective suicide.
Irregularities in the weather and frequent storms!
Melting glaciers and rising sea levels!
The pollution and radioactive waste!
What does this all go to show?
Committing suicide is really a fad!
Now all of us know.
By now it should be clear
how useful my product can be in any case:
for an individual,
or for the entire human race!
Now let me briefly explain
what my product is:
it’s a very high quality
high-tech balloon
to fly into space,
with it, no rocket can race!
To help you commit suicide,
we give you a money-back guarantee first,
halfway if the balloon doesn’t burst,
and it’ll disperse your body pieces evenly
among all heavenly bodies,
and the soul as a light rises—
a merry suicide, indeed!
You can also buy an add-on package
for a small additional price,
if you wish to go to any planet of your choice,
and disappear there
as per your preferred religious rites.
And that’s not all;
we give many light years’ warranty,
you need not in any way fear.
In suicide also I assure you,
you would cheer!
One more thing, somebody recently asked
if my product can be made multipurpose?
Well, to this suffice it to say,
NASA is in touch with us.
We might pick up a few deals;
they too want to cut their costs
in light of the turbulence their economy feels.
The savings, I hear,
would partly go to Africa or Palestine,
to boost their image,
or buy peace from Al Qaida for a while!
See how my product is so versatile!
For more details,
refer to the brochure or our website.
About this revolutionary product,
trust me, you’ll find everything you need.
Copyright © reserved by the author
dear Rathi, very interesting indeed. you have strange ideas and you moke through ur writings. To help you commit suicide, We give money back guarantee first. If the balloon's not halfway burst. And it'll disperse your body pieces evenly Among all heavenly bodies, And the soul as a light rises, A merry suicide, in deed! i smiled when i read these lines. thank you for sharing. fool all that is to be fooled around us. that is also a poet's concern. thank u for sharing
yes many people slowly kill themselves and do nothing about it and then later they have to pay high hospital bills... a nice topic you have chosen and it is worth reading and sharing!
That was really interesting. I can't speak for myself about this, beacause I don't do or take any of that horrible junk. I eat fruit, vegetables and I like my meat cooked well done with no blood. Which I think it's nasty and hideous. No offense if there's someone that likes it. There are many people that drink and smoke a lot which makes them cough all the time. And if you're like me, you can really smell it. You chose a great subject. Something different. Have a nice day. B.B.
This is a very honest and powerful write, Amrit. Thanks for directing me to it.
this is a very well executed poem.... sounds as from the heart wrote it itself.... Superb... I hope to hear more in the future... Lauren Ruark (Annie Lovette)
Interesting, so many ways to write this subject, I did my version in 'State of 20th Century Man' its among my poems titled as above?
Alas, I could have used your services quite some years ago but then I went and gave up smoking, drinking coca-cola, eating bread, cookies, cakes, much of the ice cream and almost all of the sugar - it's true, potato chips may kill me yet. And I'm sure some young people might think I'm dead already but I believe I am more alive than their poor polluted bodies, but their youth covers up the truth. Still, your offer of a quick way to go is tempting, only, ever since I bought that deed for a diamond-and-gold mine easily accessible on Jupiter (or is it Pluto, I'll have to check my deed) I now have much to live for so you couldn't pay me to accept your proffered services, but I can tell you you're on the right planet and I'm sure your business will be a singing success, erh, singular success, no, I mean both. Seemed like I was gonna have to rede a long poem but actually the message read very quickly and pleasantly, and truthfully. One of the better ads on this earth. Don't know whether there's anything like it on Jupe or plute but I aim to find out. For enough money you could buy in... if you're not afraid of heights. PS. Though it's more prose than poetry, I give your ad a 9 and a half - for proper sales presentation.
originality 10+ I never thought I could like a satire on a sensitive topic like suicide. But you wrote it in a such a brilliant and unoffensive way that I really enjoyed the whole poem. Very rightful criticism written in a such a sensitve and fantastic way that we cannot read it without a large smile on our face. Well done..
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
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4/25/2024 3:34:29 AM # 1.0.0.1119
Your poem jolts! In America, every day 2,500 die of Heart problems, and smoking kills more that 1,75,000 every year with cancer! We have craze of junk food and cola which have now proliferated from America to the entire world.We are trying to commit suicide in our own way unmindful. Your poem is a great satire undoubtedly! A wonderful write with a social cause! Keep it up.Thanks.