Cry Away Poem by ally lira

i look out my window
@ 7 in the evening
my heart falls apart
all the bandaids get ripped off.
i feel all my pain again
i think of all those nites when i was under the stars,
runnin from everyone includin myself.
everytime i ran out that door
i tried to lose myself
but all i could do was make another bruise and scar
all those nites id cry myself to sleep
because i was so alone
the only person i needed most
was the one who refused to pick up the phone.
ive never been daddys lil girl
i guess im mommys evil seed
but no matter how much ive cried
i know youll never come back to me
i tried to go and find u
ive even dreamed youd finally come to save me
every minute of every day
i push everyone farther and farther away
i even started drinkin
just to tuck my pain away
but with every shot i downed
my mind still lingered on you.
you said ud b there just for me
and i knoe u still want to be
your not perfect which makes me love u even more.
i miss u so much
but i guess thats never good enough
ive cried millions of tears
i wish that u could b here
holding me,
wiping all my tears away
when i look into the mirror
i see only u and say to myself,
'that jus cant b me'
daddy says, 'ull never b her'
but u still dont go away
the smile i rehearse each day
is my mask to keep ppl from seeing my pain
to hide my fears, regrets and hurt
no one understands how i can do the things that i do
but u do.
daddys wife says, 'ur jus like her'
every word i say is true
they nevr know what im goin through
all the memories that haunt my dreams
turn into nitemares
at the end im in your arms dead,
i wish ud cry, but u jus stare
what u feel i feel
and i realize, im not hte only one thats dead, u r too.
i wake up at three in the morning screaming
im alone in my bed and in my head
i want to run to only u
and finally b ur lil girl
but ur not there, u cant hold me and comfort me
but my dreams i hav
they never leave, and when i wake, ur never there.
u leave me every nite
and slowly the hope i hav leaves with u
i used to hate u
and blame u too
its never been ur fault, bcause im u
i tried to find the love i cant seem to feel
in every guy that came my way
but they didnt stay long just like u
when im lyin in bed late at nite
i wish i could bring u closer to me
cause only u can understand me
but i dont noe if ull ever see
i cried every nite for almost 10 years
no matter how many tears i shed
i couldnt get u out of my head
you've stayed and stayed for all these years
and nite after nite i cried my tears
but i couldnt hate you
i luved u too much
so plz jus come back to me
mommy, daddy doesnt want me
i remind him every day of u
ive never been his lil girl
i must be your evil seed
i wish that u could see me
andcraddle me in your arms
cause all my life ive been just like you
i look out side and the clouds start to cry,
every loud thunderous roar
is saying she doesnt want u anymore
she doesnt care about how u feel
waht u regret and what u fear
shes never gonna come back to u
she doesnt even think of u.
i hate to think how much its true
every lightning bolt that falls from the sky
reminds me of all the years gone by
w/out my friend, my hope, my mother
when the sun comes out to shine
every trace of u is gone
i knoe ur only a memory in my head
stabbing the spot where my love for u lives.
i wish i could see u again
but i knoe that will never happen
i miss u mom, i always will
i knoe u miss me too
u always have and always will.
...................................................................................................................
dedicated to:
kathryn anastasia dickson
my beloved mother. i miss u so much