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Dr subhendu kar

Rookie - 154 Points (Bhubaneswar, Orissa, India)

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! *CURVE OF MYSTERY*! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !


CURVE OF MYSTERY

Day and night flow by the nature
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  • Rookie - 154 Points Dr.subhendu Kar (11/29/2009 4:45:00 AM)

    From : Ema B (sydney Australia; Female; 13)
    To : Dr.subhendu Kar
    Date Time : 11/29/2009 3: 31: 00 AM (GMT -6: 00)


    Subject : Re: hello,

    Dear fellow poet
    your poems were wonderful
    you are very talented
    I enjoyed reading your other poems to.
    I look up to you.
    Thank you. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Mona Martinez (11/10/2009 10:10:00 PM)

    rain and thunder, may restrain the light
    as black shadow curtains glaze and glow
    all when freaks of wonder by mysterious universe.
    are love and hatred the curves of psychic clouds?

    for some reason i love this part. so creately put together. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 48 Points Seema Joglekar (8/22/2009 2:05:00 AM)

    On1st reading was hit by a gust of wind,
    The impact striking me ill,
    Your parables and symbols,
    hurled with a compact vengeance-do take the kill.
    Was'nt poetry to be free-flowing, singing, unflurling, lucid
    and not a conflict raising curdle,
    Very laboured phrases, contrived epithets, grammatic imprecision
    the true meaning- turned to a riddle.[Sorry-Entirely my thoughts, Keep up the good work] (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 10 Points Ejaz Khan (6/11/2009 3:13:00 AM)

    A thought provoking write, where you've used so many parables and symbols. In the world of poetry everything is allowed, no need to worry much about the trivialities, the reader is often forgiving, just enjoying the essence, the nectre of your beautiful thoughts.
    Regards (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Naidz Ladia (5/31/2009 1:51:00 AM)

    curve of mystery is like ' 'perfect creation'.'.the title is attarctive to the readers.the contents are expressing multi topics..this is a real work of an intelligent author..i like this piece..naizz (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 638 Points Marieta Maglas (5/23/2009 6:17:00 AM)

    The experiential epithets like: 'black shadow'', ''mysterious universe''''deep slumber.''are very suggestive.The visual metaphors like: ''snow falls dazzling by brightness'', conceptual metaphors like: ''patience wades through crunching mysteries.'', ''dream goes on galloping unto the goal won''and especially: ''creativity blooms only through freedom''are present in this poem. Love curve crosses chaotic with hatred curve similar to a poem written by Dante, and make this poem to be an exceptional poem.10++ (Report) Reply

  • Rookie ****tamara Hanaring.****** , A Thought Mate, (5/11/2009 4:51:00 AM)

    an contemplating thoughts while about to fall in our slumber..watching the clouds listening to the thunder, wondering if it is hate or it is from a tender kiss after the clash of the thunder..wondering if the conflict able to create what once distructed...watching the years and the days and how the beauty of it's flow..what a wonderous universe softly pass, it just walk with no sound but behind it's silence humankind are the cause of it's noisy voice.....10+++++wonderful deep beautiful poem (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Abraham de La Torrre (2/6/2009 1:41:00 AM)

    Hi, Dr. Kar, I appreciate your asking for my comment. I've learned from superior poets that the 'ing' form of verbs make poems 'walk' instead of 'dance', ergo, I shall have to employ the technique which I have been using quite satisfyingly since the lesson.

    Here goes (my comments are in parentheses) :

    Day and night flow by nature (no need for the article 'the')
    seasons follow one another (no need for 'after' either)
    snow falls, dazzles, brightens ('ing' lesson 1; notice, too, the consistency of the tenses
    do they have quest, query, wonder? (you have to be decisive about which punctuation mark to use and I took the liberty to make the line rhyme with the second one)

    rain and thunder restrain the light (again, decisiveness, which 'may' weakens)
    as black shadows curtain glaze and glow (I like the allieration here)
    when freaks of wonder by the universe (mysterious is a redundancy for wonder)
    curve love and hatred like clouds are psychic. (I deleted the '? ' entirely, making your poem more certain than it was questioning)

    grin of the green never ruffles along cornfield (another alliteration, albeit cutesy but I leave it up to you to change or retain)
    dream goes on onto (unto is bad grammar) the goal (it is hinted that it is anything but lost)
    as hope saddles strength by sheer desire (the very heavy hint which is as good as a win; the sheer is for sustained meter and in keeping with your alliteration)
    patience wades through, crunches mysteries (did you notice that the active tense, underscored by a comma, dominated mysteries? Come to think of it, it does add a dimension to curve, which might as well be writhe, having been subdued by the pursuer/poet, right?)

    creativity blooms only through freedom
    look at an orchid, its color bewitch (notice the disappearance of 'ing' and the active shift)
    floral/florid (florence is a place in italy) fragrance expends into air
    as reality wakes up from slumber (i removed 'deep' to allow for a smoother read)

    By and large, a signficant write. Carry on, Dr.! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Donna Pelan (2/1/2009 7:00:00 PM)

    I have been reading some of your poems and have enjoyed them very much' Sorry mine are so child likeBut I am just playing around with this, and at the same time trying to give people a smile in this troubled world (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Alicia Lee (1/30/2009 10:39:00 AM)

    wow i loved your poem it was interesting send me a message and explain what it means please (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 10 Points Ravi A (1/29/2009 12:34:00 PM)

    'Creativity blooms only through freedom'- This is the essence. This is the key for leading a purposeful life. The last four lines go to the depth of heart. Well written. (Report) Reply

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