Deal Poem by Eman Awad

I do every thing i believe is right,
but why do i feel that losing you is wrong?
I scream for my life and i fight,
and still deep inside i'm not that strong...
Love is what we see in movies, i say,
but what i feel inside no movie ever showed.
I want to leave and i want you to stay,
the star that shined.. sparkled.. glowed.
I'm backwards and inside out and upside down,
who would want that? i don't want it for you.
My weary mind and my sick heart will let you down,
in a constant life of holding back, what's true?
I think he's different and i'm different the other way,
he shuts me up and i'm humbled by his beautiful nature!
I don't want to go, i want to be here and i pray,
but my shadow fights with my soul with my gravity with my denisty with my stature.
My mind conflicts with my heart with my soul,
i can't tell what i really reach eventually...
I miss him maybe or miss him sure or not at all?
i refuse to change but some thing is changing me..
Don't fall for me and i'll do the same,
you drive me insane but you're not to blame,
talk to me but don't say my name,
cast me away but dont bother if i came..
Even i can't make a deal,
but you can't show any one how to feel...