Depression Poem by Jerrie Blanks

depression
it sinks deep in your bones
and wont let you go

it grabs your throat
and chokes you
until you gasp for breath

it makes your body go limp
when you wish your mind would

It makes your eyes wet
when you want them dry

it makes you joyless
when you wish to experience joy

it takes the life out of you
when your trying your best to live

It takes the joy, the air, the feeling out of you
till you want to be dead

till you look at things and invision your life gone
till you look at a lake and think of taking one last swim
till you look at a knife and think of the cut that will make it better
till you look at a car and think of how fast youd have to drive to end it all

I have looked at many things and seen my death
all of them seemed plausible, justifiable even

I look at my kids and think thats enough reason to live
I remember I cant give them clothes, shoes, toys, school supplies
then the reasons become that much more clear.

I forced them into this world, and now my joyless depressed soul
will be the ruin of them, just as my mother was mine.

Shall I end the cycle now
Shall I cry once more
Shall I bleed one last time
shall all the pain go away with me,

I dont know how much more I can take
how much more dissapointments
bills, letdowns, failures, I can endure

I want to know something other than struggle,
something other than pain
something other than sadness,
and letdown, abandonment and turmoil