Disappear Poem by Judith Marks

I feel so low right now.
Nothing pathetic you can fix.
I'm just a lot of sad,
With no ambition in the mix.

I want someone to love me,
But I just can't love back.
There's simply something wrong,
It's an emotion that I lack.

But I want what I can't have.
I have and always will.
And that's pulling at my brain,
Its intention is to kill.

I'm thinking of different ways,
To feel some kind of thing,
I've scratched my skin away,
But freedom it didn't bring.

Detachment is amazing.
So no one will have to cry,
When I do something stupid,
Because I can't help but to lie.

I smile so f***ing oddly,
Like it's how I stay alive,
But I have some stabbing wounds,
Tearing up what I've got inside.

I mean, I can feel just right now,
I know the fault's my own,
But I want something to stop it,
Or just let me cry alone.

I want to drift away,
Because I'm not what they expected.
And in my place someday,
A replacement will be erected.

I hope above all,
To just disappear.
So no one will see me,
And my voice they won't hear.

I wish I didn't sound
So crazily sad,
I wish I felt something,
Other than depressingly bad.

My eyes are so dull.
I'm so hurt and tired.
My limbs are just numb,
My body's expired.

I guess someone thought I was beautiful,
I'm saying I think they're wrong.
I guess if I was a singer,
I'd sing the saddest song.

You don't know why I hate myself.
Why it's like seeing tears all the time.
Why I just want out.
Why is suicide a crime?

I have no reason,
That's the worst part.
And my mother,
God, if she knew, it'd break her heart.

I'm so sick of broken hearts.
It's what makes people weak,
But when I'm told it was me,
What am I supposed to think?

I want to fall into something.
So so very far away,
Let no one near me.
I don't know what else to say.

I'm shaking sad right now.
This is how I can tell you,
Don't feel bad, though.
Tell people you never knew.